 MD Irvine 2007-08-31 . chapter 1*ouch* was my first reaction to this. definitely would hurt horribly to watch someone you love with someone else. even worse, if it happens more than once given you that horrible feeling of deja vu.
"Left standing and watching, helpless to do anything. that's the story of my life, ain't it?"
The hurt resonating here * my heart shatters* is so strong and I feel like reaching out and help get rid of the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.
I wonder why he can't say a word though and if it would help if he spoke out breaking the cycle. I don't know if that makes any sense |
 The Proxy Ninja 2005-07-05 . chapter 1I'm pulled between praising this poem for its charming interjections, and flaming them for the same thing. My take on this poem, is that if it were just a little shorter, and the interjections taken out, only leaving similes and metaphors, it would be exceptional.
Now, I understand, that with a lot of things omitted, the voice and the repitition leave, and then, some of the charm that came with it.. But, maybe, the angst-ridden voice in this poem would transform into a profound, reserved voice that expresses sadness even in cold-cut "winter storm" objectivity.
In haiku form: Dejavu-- my heart--/They're embracing.. my heart aches./I could only watch. [Bleah. I wish I was better at these. Compress poems you've already made into smaller pieces, and see if you come up with something more profound.]
Because, as charming and truthful as it is, it's still ordinary. |