Reviews for Willowbrooke: Dreams of Purple

Reviews For: Willowbrooke: Dreams of Purple - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

hprules 2008-06-11 ch 7, anon.	abuseUGh, I don't even know where to start. So I won't bother. Just don't have so much whining and complaining next time. Especially that last part, was this written by a 4yr old! Ew is all I have to say. See ya at the forums.
DiamondKing 2007-01-08 ch 2,	abuseslaps forehead I'm so stupid. In my last review I made some comment about this story being finished. Yeah...I just got this story confused with another story that I wanted to read. Sorry. But, my incompetence aside, I love Koji! He's very amusing. So far I love the story, so keep up the great work! ~DiamondKing
DiamondKing 2007-01-07 ch 1,	abuseOk, so, I know the story is finished, but I thought it would be nice if I reviewed anyway. I love it so far and I can't wait to read more!! ~DiamondKing
ArchangelRain 2006-11-14 ch 7,	abuseI really love this story and it's getting really exciting.
komodo dragon 2006-11-11 ch 7,	abuseThat was so good! You have to update! Plrase I'm begging here!
T.k. 2006-06-16 ch 1, anon.	abuseFirst of all, nice ideas for the magic school. And now, to burst the bubble: I think you can improve this chapter greatly. There’s several problems - although not plot-changing - that you can smooth out. Whether or not you agree that they’re problems, however, is entirely up to you as the writer. Keep in mind that I’m just a lowly critic. ^^ One, however great your descriptions are, they definitely do not need to be stuffed into one big paragraph. Not only is it distracting and makes the chapter somewhat clumsy because the paragraphs go from clumpy and huge to tiny and bare (for quotations), but I’m assuming that readers read a story for the plot, not for the architecture or character analysis. Although the two might be necessary, yes, they’re important in the ‘somewhat-important-but-not-too-important’ kind of way. What you can do is scatter the descriptions throughout the story - trim paragraphs here and there to flesh out this lonely little sentence-paragraph somewhere over yonder… Like so: BEFORE --Koji’s bright, red hair, despite his goofy and playful personality, was kept short and neat; his bangs were parted in the center and was almost long enough to cover his chocolate brown eyes. When days were extremely bright, his red hair would’ve shone vibrantly in an intense shade of orange. Koji was not that tall, but he had beaten Roka’s height by four inches or six at the most. He wasn’t that muscular either, but he was lean and toned enough to qualify as ‘athletic’.-- --“It was… okay I guess.” The blue-eyed boy lied. Koji frowned at him for a minute. It seemed that he wanted to talk, but he doesn’t really have much to say to the shorter boy because of his reserved personality. Then, Roka came to realize that something, or more appropriately, someone, was missing.-- AFTER --“It was… okay I guess,” Roka lied, somewhat uneasily. Koji frowned at him for a minute, dark brown eyes pensive under furrowed brows. It seemed that he wanted to talk about anything and everything (or just something), but he remained uncharacteristically silent. Before Roka could wonder at the taller boy’s mimicry of his own passiveness, he realized that something, or more appropriately, someone, was missing.-- Also...if the story’s told through Roka’s perspective, then you needn’t have descriptions of Roka unless he’s looking into a mirror. If the narration isn’t limited to one character’s perspective, you can get away with describing Roka’s physical attributes, as well as his personality like you had done before. I’m going to assume that the story’s going to be told through Roka’s perspective. And another thing, there are several shades of chocolate. As a certified choco-holic, I declare that you put a shade in, instead of just ‘chocolate.’ Bah. Furthermore, it’d be better if you let the readers experience a character’s personality as the story progresses through descriptions of their mood (‘pensive’ - ‘angrily’ - ‘cheerfully’ - ‘childishly’) and actions, instead of right out stating who the characters are. As a rule, only minor and unimportant characters who appear less frequently get that treatment precisely because they appear less frequently and therefore offer readers little time to get to know them. You did the mood thing, but it’s overshadowed by the descriptions-load, stating who the characters are thing. My overall opinion about the chapter was that it was a little clumsily put together, with not very smooth transitions a few times, unnecessary lumpiness here and there, and some inconsistent narration. It’s as if you hadn’t edited the chapter yourself before it went up. They’re minor, not plot-changing, things that can be improved. Otherwise, I’ll look forward to reading the rest of the story. ^^ With best regards from the self-proclaimed idiot - T.k.
Jenimi 2006-04-14 ch 7,	abuseWOW, oh my god, i couldnt stop reading, its like two in the morning, oh my god! i'm just ..wow.. PLEASE UPDATE SOON! i cant wait!
Drazuki 2006-04-05 ch 7,	abuseFor starters, I haven't read this story all the way through, but from what I have read I can say that it's a fantastic story. I'm really enjoying the characters and their interactions and I like the fact your incorporate a lot of different influences into your story. You got my continuing reviewer patronage, I can tell you that much! Write on!-KT
S McCall 2006-03-18 ch 7,	abuseI'm enjoying your story. Although, there are a few grammatical errors that sort of interrupt the flow when I'm reading. I don't know if it bothers anyone else though, I'm sort of anal about that sort of thing. Also, it's kind of frustrating to read the Japanese dream sequences when I have NO idea what anyone is saying. I ended up just sort of skimming those parts and missing potentially important details. However, as a few of your other readers mentioned, the universe is a very original and interesting one. The characters are also compelling. Keep up the good work!
Liviania 2006-03-18 ch 6,	abuseTorrent really does have a dirty mind... Cool story. Livi
TsubasaScribe 2006-02-17 ch 7,	abuse..O_Onuo Roka! gahhgahh no that.. guy he.. no roka!! be careful! is he going to get taken away? but then.. Ohh does this mean Hikaru gets to saave him? yeshh! air punch muahahha. awesome. ...oh and. yeah. Rinji's right. come on hikaru! pokes hurry up!waits with sakura for slash -^__^-thanks for this chapter~ it was good~ ahh but i had to start from chapter 1 again so i wouldn't get confused ^^ and then i realised just how long and awesome this story is. love go neutral-sama! woohoo!
ArchangelRain 2005-12-16 ch 6,	abuseYou gotta continue this or I will cry!
Silver Tangent 2005-03-13 ch 6,	abuseHe-y. New reader here. New reader who very much likes your story. Uh, I'm not very good at the whole give-advice-to-make better, but oh well. M, one thing that I really like is that this is set in in wacked out universe. Most fantasy/sci-fi stories are pretty regular cookie cutters. This one is just different to me. Me likes your very interesting characters, and hope to see more of them soon.
Trinity Limit 2005-02-12 ch 6,	abuseI finally got around to reviewing. smiles nervously Sorry it took so long. ^_^;; (I'm reviewing as I go, by the way.) Hm, Roka has an interesting theory there. I don't see why magic can't be infinite. I don't think there's a limit to anything in the universe because no matter how much is discovered, there's always something more. Nothing will ever really come to an absolute conclusion because there is no end to things. Also- ack! I'm ranting. Never mind. shrugs That's just my point of view anyway. looks around nervously I hope I didn't put you to sleep with my mindless chatter... Ooh, shirtless Viscen...Can you say sexy? XD Not as sexy as Dante, but close enough. grins Anyhow, what's Belle doing here? O_o keeps reading Just to keep him company? Pfft! Yeah right, and you expect me to believe that. keeps reading Oh, so it WAS just to keep him company...Eh heh...Sorry, Belle, I thought you wouldn't be able to resist Viscen's well-sculpted body. pause JOKING!! I was joking!! Relax! Oh, El Jeihdt sounds so beautiful! I can almost imagine the city bustling with life. Pretty sky, too. Oh boy, bad move, Dante. Koji's gonna want a screw after hearing that. ^_^;; Don't let him out of your sight, Roka. Don't try to hit on the cute waiter, Koji. nods Poor Roka, I can imagine how tired he must be. And, oh no. Someone's screaming. I know what that means... I don't know what to say anymore. "He probably lived under a rock for a few years..." That is EXACTLY the kind of thing Hotaru would say! (I apologize for that, Roka.) And hey--! crosses arms What's wrong with the name Nadeshiko? O_o glares angrily at Hotaru and Shuyin Honestly, don't you two ever get tired of arguing with each other? (Hotaru/Shuyin: exchange glances No.) sighs Oh, what am I gonna do with you guys? shakes head Aww! Did I mention how special and HONORED I feel for having my poem/muses in your story? No? Well, I'm mentioning it now. Thank you! hugs TORRENT!! You're rather quick on the draw! XD Stop jumping to conclusions about Roka and Hikaru. (Even though your conclusions are half-correct. I don't know about the other half. looks at Hikaru curiously Hm...It could happen.) You know, I really enjoyed that conversation between Torrent and Volvaja. ^_^ It was interesting, to say the least. Oh, lookie what I noticed! Hikaru never denied that Roka was his little boy! Instead he drew attention to his new nickname and away from Roka. Hm, I wonder if it's just a coincidence? O_o Oh, my gosh! I can almost hear the music in my head! (Hotaru: You're insane.) Ah! I'm going crazy! I'm hearing things! runs around in circles Get out of my head, you creepy music!! Ooh, pretty lights... I like the way you put in Hikaru's reactions during the song, too. It's a nice touch. SIX MORE SONGS?! faints Creepy dream. Honest. holds her hand up to her neck Jeez, I don't feel very safe anymore. Well, at least Koji is enjoying his stay in dreamland. Lucky seeds, huh? shrugs Well, I hope they work for our young mage. ARGH!! Blood! What's up with THAT, Dante? What is it that you haven't told Roka? Come on, spill the beans! I wanna know! And that's it for chapter six. Oh well. Mayley's a very pretty name, by the way. It sounds sophisticated, beautiful, alluring, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I already told you about in the email. yawns Well, I believe that's all I have to say for now. waves Bye! ~Trinity
OdangoHead 2005-02-09 ch 6,	abusei just realized that i never reviewed this chapter when i read it. hehehe... Torrent's a pervert, imagining things about his students! I'm wondering about Torrent & Volvaja now tho... they seem.. close. ^_^ DANTE'S PART VAMPIRE? Where- or should i say Who did he get the blood from?? i can't wait for the next update, i love this story & think you are an amazing writer!

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