Reviews for A Tide of Tears Between Us

Reviews For: A Tide of Tears Between Us - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

i-rite-gud 2008-08-01 ch 1,	abuseI think this is a pretty good first chapter but I think an improvement would be to put a page break between Aislinn flying at the criminal and her boss yelling at her. The way you have it formatted right now is confusing because one event flows into the other without a distinction between the two. The content is good but I think that one change would be great!
Veromorphia 2007-07-01 ch 3,	abuseHm...Seeing a lover in ones dreams that one can't touch, an impossibly oppressive home and a single, loving family member. I'm beginning to see some pleasant similarities between our stories. I liked the symbolic imagery in the dream. Personifying the City makes it seem so much more like a horrible monster.
Veromorphia 2007-07-01 ch 2,	abuseWow, this has quickly turned into a lovely and refreshing little anti-Utopia. Your characters are developing nicely. I especially liked the line "do away with something like married." Aislinn's obvious grammar mistake shows how clueless she is about marriage, how it was never allowed to enter her mind even as an impersonal memory.
Veromorphia 2007-07-01 ch 1,	abuseFirst of all, I'd like to thank you for being Immortality's only reviewer--Mortality (both versions that have been on the site) did so much better at the beginning. I appreciate your feedback more than you can possibly know. Now, onto the review... I like it. Your first chapter certainly makes me want to read more. Your characters are intriguing and the universe that they live in leaves a lot to be explained. If you want just a bit of constructive criticism, I think that your introduction of the rules of that universe were said a little too bluntly. I'm tempted to use that old cliche about "showing" the audience something instead of "telling" them. For instance, I think that the rule about religion would have been made a lot more effective if Aislinn's boss had scolded her about beating up the murderer, and she had replied with some snappy comeback about how he hadn't been bothered when she'd hurt "that religious fanatic," and if the conversation had progressed naturally from there. But that's just a personal suggestion--do what you like. ^_^
A. E. Mann 2007-05-09 ch 1,	abuseI was going to read your latest story, but realized it was a sequel to this one. It's pretty interesting. The whole concept of "murder isn't such a big deal" is strange and mysterious. I may review some more chapters soon. I've been busy lately, but i'll try to get Day II of A Hunter's Log up soon.
lostlove 2006-12-27 ch 15, anon.	abuseAW! That is so romantic! i wish the one i love would do that with me. awsome story so far!
lostlove 2006-12-27 ch 14, anon.	abusesorry. made a mistake. my pen name is BrokenHeart13
lostlove 2006-12-27 ch 12, anon.	abusei love your story so far. can't wait to read the rest. go to to read a poem i wrote. my pen name is BrokenHeart27
closedheart 2006-12-26 ch 6, anon.	abusea few grammer errors. but nothing major. can't wait to read more.
SirScott 2006-12-15 ch 20,	abuseGood story. I liked the ending with green glowing light. The fight with Pavin was pretty good. He had to be pretty tough to take blows to the head. That alone should have killed him. I felt sorry for Gregory and I would have liked to seen Jud's character explored a little more. Overall, this story was a winner. ~SirScott
SirScott 2006-12-15 ch 15,	abuseIt was about time that he told her that he loved her. So far I like Gregory and Jud the best. Great job, so far. ~SirScott
SirScott 2006-12-14 ch 10,	abuseI have been wanting to read this story for awhile and this is where I will stop for tonight. I really enjoyed it so far and it was cool that you had a pipesmoker in it. I like your style. ~SirScott
Mark-Anthony 2006-03-21 ch 1,	abuseHey Marina, I was dinking around looking for a way to contact you and I found this story at the same time. I've only gotten through chapter 1, but I like it. If I didn't have drama galore coming up tomorrow, I'd take my day off (today) and read the whole thing. Did you notice that we both use the name Aislinn? that's the name of the town The Indigis takes place in. I actually named it after a friend of mine because her name was all kinds of unusual to me, but apparently the name is more common than I thought. Anyway though, I'm totally interested and I'll probably be fiending for a fix by the time i get back home from the funeral :c)Mark-Anthony
animalwriter 2005-03-31 ch 3,	abuseWow, I really like this so far! I'll come back and read the rest soon.
mangacrazy82190 2005-01-30 ch 20,	abuseThat last paragraph definently left room for a sequel. I think that'd be great if you did a sequel.

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