Well, the site is experiencing overload, or I would have left a signed review.
Excellent chapter. It makes me realize the extent to which you have gotten better. I mean, you're really, really good now. Before this was an entertaining story. Now I can imagine it as a professional novel. I applaud you :)

its been so long. i re-read the first chapter, but then i didnt really red the one about hte enemy, so im a little confused. i think it could use a little more detail and such and maybe a little more substance. basically, i want more, but brief is internet writing and thqt is all i should expect.

Why does Rien sound familiar?
Anyway, I LOVE the new description of the house's grounds. I don't think that was in it last time, and if it was I didn't notice it.
Excellent descriptions of the bad guy--more twisted than his staff indeed! What a great line. And I can't help it, but I'm picturing a shorter version of Tim Curry in Legend. And more verbose, of course. "Really, they're more of a perk." Great line.
Looking forward to reading the rest! GO WRITE IT, DAMN IT.

Hi!
It's taken me a while, but here I am.
~complaints~
It's too short! :)
"Fledin, Llewen and Lily’s father, refused to let the only person capable of keeping the house relatively clean without a fight." This sentence seems to be missing a word.
~the good~
I liked it. It's a lot clearer than the last version, and the argument and Llewen both seem more real.

pretty good, a little randome, but im sure it will settle in. however, hte soundtrack line throws of the feel, i would do something about it.

short, but your narrative style is strong here with good details a vivid discriptions.