This poem is really creepy and realyy good. I like it lostamuch. WRITE MORE STUFF! (I don't really like your brothers either, by the way)

oh i like this. I love how the form is sort of chopped into segments, and your ending lines are so awesome. I also like how the perspective changed; it kept me interested to get to the end. nice style of writing!

Very well written. I like how the main poem and the hidden one are saying the opposite of each other. I wonder which one is true?

it was a good poem, except sometimes i thought the way it was cut was a mit *too* choppy. (i know it's supposed to be a bit choopy) breaking the line like that should emphasize important words, not words like 'the'.

very powerful work!

Wow, your really talented! I love how you use 'old words'- "Twas" that sort of thing. and the format is really interesting. Good job!!

this is good. do you live along the san andreas fault, in california? we get bad earthquakes here. a little broken, but good nonetheless.

Is it just me, or is there some foreboding atmosphere here? Anyway, you might not what that means- a great poem- wonderful expression and appropriate use of short lines. Good stuff!

Cool! I know the pattern, na-na-na-boo-boo! OK, I’ve R&R’d (as you so put it) all your stuff, so go R%R mine! Especially my new sci-fi story!! ^_^