Other than a few grammatical issues -- very nice.

It would probably be even more powerful if you took out everything after the final line (including "The End" and the author's note). Just a thought.

Woah, that was cool. I really like it. The more I think about it the more I like it. I knew it was going to be like a dream, or Billy was going to be crazy or something, but I didn't expect it to repeat like that. It was cool. And kind of sad, too. At the end when his mom is talking to him and you know that he's talking back to her in his mind, but not in reality. Sad. You're an excellent writer. It's late right now, otherwise I'd check out some more of your work. But I'll have to do that later. So, excellent job. I really liked this short story. >>Twizz

Wow. That's my immediate reaction; just wow. This was quite a clever one-shot. I found myself wondering throughout who "they" were and what the accident entailed, and so the ending caught me off-guard. I quite enjoyed it!
As for criticism, there is a bit of word mis-use as grammar issues. 'Dippers', 'ripped', 'to' for 'too', but it hardly detracts from the experience. This was smooth, sharp, and a pleasure to read. Good job!

Wow, very… mysterious to put it plainly. This is very well done. I’d like to invite you to a writing forum. I hope you enjoy the community and share some of your interesting works.
http://ucps.proboards30.com/

This story looks like a good short story overall. The two repeats were just enough to get my attention, and I did not realize what was truly going on until the last sentence. One question remains from the story: what was the accident really like, and how did this boy change the actual accident into the story?

Hey, battle-ogre here. You asked for a new review now you've sorted the bugs out. So, well, where do I start? I thought it was great as before, and it's now much better as one compact story.
No tips for improvement needed in my eyes - thanks for your R/R, Tom.

I am expecting a good twist to straighten the story out - but heck, I enjoyed reading it. Can't wait for the next part!