This one is AWESOME! You did an excellent job of describing so that the reader could experiance what the character was experiancing!

Its realy cool and descriptive lots of detail which if this was longer would make for a good story setting cuz you would be able to emagine being there realy good.

Interesting, altough I don't see the point. This is not a flame, it's just what I'm seeing. It's quite good though.

You did a great job discribing the scene, I felt I was actually there. Keep writing, you have a lot of talent for it.