  katmandu 2004-07-23 . chapter 1 At first I thought these three tied in together, but it doesn't really seem that way. Although MacDowell figures in the last two.
Re Pancho: this is a great opening. Easy, compact and very readalble. Right off the bat, you give us some character background, some action, the taste and smell of a lit cigarette, and even a little music. This is fabulous, 'cause the reader wants to move right into the scene. Maybe you could also describe the sound of the horses hooves on the desert floor. Later in the story you bring in the element of "dust" very effectively.
With Colt, I like the creakin floors, but would like some more description of the saloon -smells, sounds, etc.
With Dack and Guinness, I loved the way you moved the lighting from the fire to the moon, devil to angel. Very effective. I think the work "brigand" is more suggestive of the British and Europe -- like pirates, no so much a cowboy desperado.
Is there an underlying theme to these three tales? I would have like to go more into the moral implications of what Dack did and why. Did something happen to him that changed him from the guy that Guinness knew so well? |
FictionPress.com - let the words flow
