-sigh- I love this story.

(Yes, I'm rereading it for about the fourth time)

:) CD

this sentance doesn't meake sense (first sentance)

first nitpick in a while,

the first sentance is:

"As directed, the next morning I woke up after ten. It was about 11:30 by the time I woke up and was able to force myself to even sit up"

but maybe it should be "11:30 by the time I was able to force myself to even sit up" coz he's already awakened

10th line

That done, I made one more quick inspection of my room. "I checked the walk in closet on the right hand side of my room, checked my bed which lay on the same wall as the door, and across the room to the wall with the desk and window that was to the right of the desk that had its white blinds shut, and once I was satisfied that everything was in order, I took my army green jacket out of the closet and put it on, and walked carefully down the hall to the door with the stairs behind it."

This sentence is too long, it needs to be broken up



Line 29

Groshery store again (twice)

umm i couldn't see many nitpicks,

the storyline and grammer is good,

one thing on the 19th line u wrote 'grocery' as 'groshery' and again a couple of lines later

otherwise it looks fine

this sounds interesting

u wrote 'reliever' not 'reciever' in

'i asked through the 'reliever' on the phone


btw, im prob gonna try and help edit if i can remember

my pen name is Seeker of Knowledge

hope to write again

Whoa. I like it.

It sounds very interesting... although there were parts in this chapter that you did tend to repeat. ^-^ It probably has a real good plot line so I'll keep reading. ^^

Oni Giri Slash

:O

No offense, but the summary didn't actually sound that good (although it was way better than some other peoples) but i decided to try and read it anyways, 236 chapters is tempting...way tempting...hope your story's a good one!

Oh, and you probably wont hear ever again from me except maybe on the epilogue chapter...maybe...

Howdy. I waited Until I read your whole story before i submitted a review (which only took me a few days, by the way, you're good). The stroy is good. to me it hardly lagged. i have a few questions, but i'm guessing those questions will be answered in the next installment.

small typo-'It was a pain that I had never felt before, and hadn't felt sense, thank goodness.'

'"You really do hate undo attention to yourself, don't you? ' do you mean undue?

in several places instead of putting 'have', you put 'of'

again i believe you forgot to put a part of the dialogue in quotation marks:' David Bridge gasped and came over to me. That was by the purple candle, was it not?'

'He looked at me scrutinizingly. Hmm. We'll have to try something else.' does he say anything,or just think it?