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| Seeker of Knowledge 2007-11-24 ch 149, anon. | abusethis sentance doesn't meake sense (first sentance) |
| Seeker of Knowledge 2007-11-24 ch 61,  | abusefirst nitpick in a while, the first sentance is: "As directed, the next morning I woke up after ten. It was about 11:30 by the time I woke up and was able to force myself to even sit up" but maybe it should be "11:30 by the time I was able to force myself to even sit up" coz he's already awakened |
| Seeker of Knowledge 2007-11-23 ch 5, | abuse10th line That done, I made one more quick inspection of my room. "I checked the walk in closet on the right hand side of my room, checked my bed which lay on the same wall as the door, and across the room to the wall with the desk and window that was to the right of the desk that had its white blinds shut, and once I was satisfied that everything was in order, I took my army green jacket out of the closet and put it on, and walked carefully down the hall to the door with the stairs behind it." This sentence is too long, it needs to be broken up Line 29 Groshery store again (twice) |
| Seeker of Knowledge 2007-11-23 ch 3, | abuseumm i couldn't see many nitpicks, the storyline and grammer is good, one thing on the 19th line u wrote 'grocery' as 'groshery' and again a couple of lines later otherwise it looks fine |
| Seeker of Knowledge 2007-11-23 ch 2, | abusethis sounds interesting u wrote 'reliever' not 'reciever' in 'i asked through the 'reliever' on the phone btw, im prob gonna try and help edit if i can remember my pen name is Seeker of Knowledge hope to write again |
| Laughing In the Night 2007-05-30 ch 27, | abuseWhoa. I like it. |
| Oni Giri Slash 2007-04-14 ch 3, | abuseIt sounds very interesting... although there were parts in this chapter that you did tend to repeat. ^-^ It probably has a real good plot line so I'll keep reading. ^^ Oni Giri Slash |
| Shadow-Walking-Tactician-VI 2007-03-06 ch 1, | abuse:O No offense, but the summary didn't actually sound that good (although it was way better than some other peoples) but i decided to try and read it anyways, 236 chapters is tempting...way tempting...hope your story's a good one! Oh, and you probably wont hear ever again from me except maybe on the epilogue chapter...maybe... |
| Rayfield Noland 2006-11-14 ch 236, | abuseHowdy. I waited Until I read your whole story before i submitted a review (which only took me a few days, by the way, you're good). The stroy is good. to me it hardly lagged. i have a few questions, but i'm guessing those questions will be answered in the next installment. |
| For What Its Worth 2006-06-19 ch 49, | abusesmall typo-'It was a pain that I had never felt before, and hadn't felt sense, thank goodness.' |
| For What Its Worth 2006-06-18 ch 38, | abuse'"You really do hate undo attention to yourself, don't you? ' do you mean undue? |
| For What Its Worth 2006-06-18 ch 35, | abusein several places instead of putting 'have', you put 'of' |
| For What Its Worth 2006-06-18 ch 27, | abuseagain i believe you forgot to put a part of the dialogue in quotation marks:' David Bridge gasped and came over to me. That was by the purple candle, was it not?' |
| For What Its Worth 2006-06-18 ch 11, | abuse'He looked at me scrutinizingly. Hmm. We'll have to try something else.' does he say anything,or just think it? |
| For What Its Worth 2006-06-18 ch 10, | abusethis feels rushed, but nicely done otherwise. |