this is good. Just remember; similes and metaphors are your friend. I've found that extremely cryptic poems are a huge crowd pleaser. If you refer to things as other things and speak specifically to someone without naming the person then it makes things more mysterious and puts you up on a higher level (or so the ametuers think heh heh). Just some pointers ^.~
--Hollyanne--

wow, this one is really good, there isnt really mcuh to comment on except its goodness

Nice.