Greetings!
On this one, I'm not sure that the 2nd cha works... for me, I would have left it as just the first chapter... that works. W/the addition, I get lost. But it may just be the hour... which is late here.
-K

Greetings!
Very 'Cat's in the Cradle'... a story of consequences... short and to the point!
-K

very fragmented and confusing. if you could get some continuity going between the vignettes, it would be more readable.