hey again, :'( poor spine and piranha that was soo romantic, sort of. I like mantis she seems cool, omg this is the story now i've read them all :'( nothing else to review, oh well keep at it!

hey again, omg he ripped out his own eyes, oww i suppose though in certain ways its the most logical thing to do in an unlogical situation, anyway though i digress (can't spell too tired) still a great story keep at it ! ^-^

hey again poor glaive, shes sat there while that bloke says she was supposed todie, how nice of him, still liking the ending :D keep at it ^-^

hey, i like the little poem thing at the end, its cool, wow they really want her dead don't they, a great story though keep at it :D!

I found the link to your story from K’Arthurville and you’d asked for criticism, so here goes:

STRUCTURE (grammar, punctuation, etc): You need to work on your punctuation and sentence structure, and that was my first thought upon reading the first chapter. Some of your sentences lack periods; others lack conjunctions.

Ex. “Good, she is gone from our midst. Control some general or high up military adviser, order someone to kill her”

You need either an exclamation mark or a period after ‘kill her’ because it’s ending a sentence -- even if the sentence is in quotations. The quotations alone are not enough.

You also need to put something between ‘adviser’ and ‘order’ because it sounds like you just connected two sentences together with only a simple comma. My suggestions are that you either add a conjunction, or a punctuation mark that will separate the two into distinctly different sentences, or reword that ‘sentence’ to sound like an actual sentence.

That, or you can also use a semi-colon (;), which will separate ‘control some general or high up military adviser’ and ‘order someone to kill her’ but still convey the sense that the two clauses are directly connected. I assume that’s what you wanted, but instead you used a comma.

Ex. “Certainly, oh, and before I go, GGF detachment 1159 to E/5/B/0, your move”

Again: punctuation at the very end. A period, or some other mark after ‘certainly’ because it sounds very much like it should be separated.

Ex. “Sit,” commanded the officer “we have a job for you”

Period after ‘you’. Another comma after ‘officer’ to separate ‘offer’ from ‘we’.

CONTENT: You need to work on adding more descriptions about the characters in your story, as well as the environment that they’re in. You don’t even need to add flowery descriptions, either.

Ex. Griffon walked through the corridors of GA outpost #115 with a strange feeling of excitement falling over him; this was his first time in a GA base, and his first job for them.

Hmm - how about something like ‘through the empty’ - ‘crowded’ or ‘busy’. It gives the reader a better understanding of where Griffon is, and what kind of place it is.

I’ll check on the rest of the story later. And review/criticize the content properly.

- Chace

It's good. I'd say it has potential but a quote comes to mind:
"Hey, I'll have you know that I really did almost kick the bucket during that training so don't you dare sum it up all in one word, even if it's a nice one like 'potential'!" Said by none other than Sanosuke Sagara!
Good so far, hope ya update!
~You have heard the words of the Wolf Goddess, be happy! XP

i hope you know how stupid this sounds just from the summarry.