Reviews for Silent Screaming - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Silent Screaming

THOR god of pens 2004-08-01 ch 1,	abuseThat's pretty bad. It might have been good if it wasn't so bad. Maybe a little less slow. Bad. Or choppy. Bad.
Robyn D 2004-07-20 ch 1,	abusehi! sorry it took me so long to get back to you. i very much appreciated your review and i'm glad you liked my poem. It was really just a spur of the moment thing and if i had to, i would rewrite it a different way but whatever. The rhyming was unintentional but happened all the same. now on to your story. glad you liked my reviews of your other stories and i will, at some point or another, go back and read some more with the new information in mind. i.e. the intentional short length. because now that i know of that requirement, 100 words or less i believe you said, it makes your stories a lot more impressive. to create that much of a world with such a small requirement depicts a lot of talent but you did it with admirable ease. or what appears to be ease. You didn't seem to struggle at any point or falter. good job. now this poem. i like it. But i find that towards the end, the repetition of the word silence is sort of annoying. i'm wondering if maybe you removed a couple towards the end, it would create sort of a crescendo... you know, constantly building in intensity, until the final startling line. I'm not sure if you want to alter it that way, but that's what i recommend. Also, just because it's poetry, don't ignore punctuation. Especially with repetition. at times, it felt like the word "silence" was supposed to be part of the previous two lines and together they made one sentence or phrase or stanza whatever you want to call it (not big on the terminology). but at other times, it felt like it should be separate for emphasis. Punctuation in this situation would indicate to your audience what way you want your reader to interpret the poem. punctuation is sort of like a road map to your poem. for example: "Darkness, all around me. I can see wild flowers." OR... "Darkness. All around me I can see wild flowers." Notice the difference? You as a writer determine which way you want it to be read and those directions are really important, even in a poem. Your poem was interesting in the fact that it was purely descriptive. There are many different types of poems (and i'm not talking haiku or whatever) and you have clearly demonstrated your ability to sift through synomyns and such to describe YOUR view of a commonly viewed thing, silence. very good. I'm just wondering about one thing though, you said "And angers and tears" punctuation would make this whole phrase clearer but did you perhaps mean "tares" as in rips asunder? i wasn't sure. but this just one gray area because of punctuation. so you might want to fix it up. okay, i'm off. i think i went on too long. :D talk to you later robyn P.S. by the way, if you go on my profile page, just one of my many emails is listed. it's thegirls_2us@yahoo.com. if you ever want to, that's where you can email me with a particular question/comment or story you REALLY want me to review. k, that's all. later
simpleplan13 2004-06-17 ch 1,	abuseI liek it a lot.. especially that last line.. amazing job

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