 Unknown Survivor 2008-09-13 . chapter 1That was really good. Nice job. (:
~Unknown Survivor~ |
 pinkfairyfloss 2008-09-13 . chapter 1this is such a beautiful poem
i love how each line flows so well into the next and the rhyming is awesome (im jelous of those who can rhyme as mine never seems to work right :/)
great writing
x.pff |
 Justin Vengeance 2008-09-12 . chapter 1Right back at you, I love your ending. I think I would like to see some different stanzas, maybe a new one each time the word seven appears. Speaking of which, I love the use of the seven in this. Nicely done.
And just to answer your question, a tanka has no repetition or rhyming just like a haiku except longer. I like to make unexpected like breaks like this:
line1
line2
line3
line4
line5
etc.
So sometimes I'm more of a traditional guy, but others I'm not, lol |
 May Elizabeth 2008-09-10 . chapter 1I love this for so many reasons, I like the flow, tone, and the vivid imagery. Good job. :D Peace. |
 Asphodelus 2007-10-13 . chapter 1I love the tone of this, really beautiful.
I dunno why but the last verse reminds me of "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park. |
 life on rewind 2007-10-03 . chapter 1Oh, originality on a normally ruined idea! &favourites for you!
Punctuation. It expresses places where you want the reader to pause and helps with flow and metre. If you dislike using punctuation, I respect that, but if you’re open to comments then maybe you should consider this one!
If you don't like using punctuation in poems, I 'pologise. I feel it's essential, so I tend to nitpick it ...
Thank you for posting this! Maybe you wouldn’t mind checking out a few of my writings too if you feel like it and liked the review? If you do, I recommend my rants. I hope the concrit helped!
Sakura.
[Yes, I copy/paste most of my reviews. So sue me. The concrit changes per review, and you get tips, right? Win/win situation. End of.] |
 Arafax 2007-09-28 . chapter 1Loved the word use in this piece. The rhyming was good as well. Keep up the good work.
~Arafax~ |
 McKenzie Drestire 2007-09-20 . chapter 1The rythem was strong an fluid, it was a pleasure to read because it was so effortless in it's form. Amazing job.
Peaceout, kenzie |
 asdf will 2007-09-20 . chapter 1Rhyme schemes, rhyme schemes! I love 'em, yet I have trouble creating them. Good job, keep up the work. |
 Counting Petals 2007-09-18 . chapter 1It rhymed, but at the same time it didn't sound simplistic like it would if I tried the same thing. I also really liked the flow, and the imagery, too. (Which you've probably gotten a lot of, but it's for a reason.) |
 wecouldgoandget40s 2007-09-17 . chapter 1This is really good. It sets a really calm, mellow mood. And that's not a bad thing ;)
Wow. This was really great to read. You really should write more stuff like this. Later, then. |
 xfail 2007-09-16 . chapter 1I really like the ideas in this. Poetry that makes me think is always an enjoyment, and this is certainly worth another read. I especially liked the flow of the last stanza. Good job on this! |
 Heroh 2007-09-15 . chapter 1I can't explain how aazing I thought this poem was.. This is going into my favs :D I just know I'm going to want to read this over and over again. I love how thought provoking this is :) |
 TalkingMime 2005-08-12 . chapter 1I liked the rhymes and how everything flowed nicely. Actaully while I was reading it, I couldn't help but feel like I was in English class again trying to dissect some famous and beautifully written work. But as a result I couldn't help but feel that I missed something after every line, a reference to some book, or a metaphor, or some symbolism, or...In any case, wonderful job. Beautiful poem. |
 Mercury Angel II 2005-07-19 . chapter 1Nice job! It's pretty and it's got very good rhyme too. |