Reviews for Bound by a Slave - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Bound by a Slave - Reviews: Page 1 of 7

GreenEggsAndSPAM 2008-05-02 ch 1,	abuseI really enjoyed reading this! The process of events worked well, and I didn't get "lost" or "confused", something that can happen quite often XD All in all, it was great. Keep up the good work, love :)
Ramenluver 2007-07-13 ch 2,	abuseOkay, for one thing, I think her mother would rather she give up the amulet than die. Another thing, please refrain from calling your characters 'good' or 'evil', unless the main character is actually thinking about how 'good' or 'evil' the subject in question is. Ex: Crystal snorted in annoyance as the words, ‘little missy’, uttered from his evil self. Don't. Let their actions show their sense of morals, not your authorical intervention. She seems kinda stuck-up when you say she despised every kingdom her own. Unless she has good reason to, it makes her seem less likable. Please don't describe night like that either. In one of your paragraphs, you totally bashed it. What has it ever done to you? It's kinda unnecessary. Don't call the girl eccentric. Let her actions show she's eccentric. You also say guards had been walking behind them, yet you don't mention them in the paragraphs before they conveniently pop up out of nowhere. I honestly think the ball should be a surprise, or at least that she doesn't expect him taking her to the ball. It's more exciting that way. The 'eccentric' girl really didn't seem all that stupid, just not well informed. Don't say Crystal's plan is full proof, because so many things can go wrong with just excusing yourself to the 'springs' and trying to make a run for it, unless you want to make her sound, well, dumb. I wouldn't have her try to run away blindly in the forest either, without at first getting supplies form the castle (food and water at least). And she stopped to bathe in the pool? Well if she is of the mind to run away in the wilderness to escape from bondage, then maybe she doesn't have time to think about such luxurious wastes of time. Mind you, I am holding back a little so that I don't sound like a flamer. I really only go into detail if the authors want me to. I hope it improves your story, if at least just a little. -Ramen
Ramenluver 2007-07-13 ch 1,	abuseShe didn't seem very real. I don't know how to describe it. I think it's because when she about to die, she thinking about how her life was supposed to involve being whisked away from her tower by prince charming. It was a bit cliché if you ask me. Otherwise, it was okay. -Ramen
your harbor 2006-07-27 ch 2,	abuseI'm already loving your story to pieces. And the grammar's great too so that's only another reason to love it. Plus, your characters have unique personalities. I'm going to have to say that Crystal's my favorite character; but I won't know that until I see some more chapters! So, yeah.
your harbor 2006-07-27 ch 1,	abuseSo, I really like this so far. And the grammar is great - I didn't notice any mistakes. I can't wait for the next chapter; and I would really appreciate it if you would review my own story. adds to favorites I'd really appreciate it.
Raptora 2006-06-16 ch 1,	abuseI do believe you reviewed one of my stories and I never reviewed back. Terribly sorry about that--I'll try to return the favor now. Looks like an intriguing story here. It's always fun to read 'fairy tales' with a slightly different twist. I'll review as I go along. "...she was supposed to be in a tower waiting for prince charming."--Prince Charming should probably be capitalized. Good descriptions in the first paragraph. A few grammar problems here and there, but nothing major. Doesn't sound like she's been through a fun experience. "Yet what scared her was from where he was from"--this is an awkward sentence. 'From' is overused, and it would probably sound better if it was reworded. Something like "It was where he was from that scared her." "Yet to who the camp belonged to she did not know."--here's "Yet..." again. Perhaps it's just your style, but you could make the sentence a little less chunky if you just stated it simply instead of using 'yet.' Oh dear. Her situation seems to have just gotten worse. It'll be interesting to see the story behind why she was stolen and made a slave. Good imagery in the last paragraph. I like the four lines at the end of the chapter. Adds on nicely to the story. I like how you formed the image of this Princess without outright saying too much. All in all, I like the story, and I look forward to reading the next chapter!
Kleptomaniacal Tendencies 2006-04-05 ch 1,	abuseNice, I like your writing ~ Thanks for sharing ~
Silent Force 2006-03-30 ch 2,	abuseThis is another good chapter! You're developing both the plot and characters nicely. I'm especially intrigued by Kyrin; his intentions aren't all that clear, so I'll be looking forward to finding out more about him. And nice foreshadowing with the amulet and Hather and Langarra becoming allies; it makes me want to know what's really going on, and what will happen next! Oh yes, and again, make sure to add in commas when you need them, but that's not that big of a deal. Nice chapter; I'll be looking forward to an update!
Silent Force 2006-03-30 ch 1,	abuseI really like the premise of this, and the characters are definitely appealing, also. I'd be very interested as to where you'll take this. One suggestion - remember to add in commas where necessary; there are several occasions where you forgot to do so, such as...“I’m not genie milady your wish is not my command.” (There should be commas in between genie and milady, and milady and your)Overall, I like it so far and think it will turn into a very interesting story!
Skeptic_Critic 2006-03-03 ch 2, anon.	abuseOkay so I'm just a teensy bit brain dead...I didn't even tell you that I liked your first chapter...Although I suppose I just did... I'm so sad...I have to wait for an update now...You're one of those authors who takes delight in cliff hangers aren't you?
Skeptic_Critic 2006-03-03 ch 1, anon.	abuseGawd this has been under my 'to read' list forever and a half and now I finally have time to read it...You have no idea how happy this makes me...To finally be able to read this...
LeilaX 2006-02-05 ch 1,	abusehey, this story is coming on well. Your writing style is good, especially your description which I seem to skirt around. I look forward to see what happens next! Leilax
ErrolGuardian 2006-01-10 ch 2,	abusevery good story!! I like the way you put that that thing at the beginning and the end... very interesting. keep it up!!
shiloh fire 2005-12-17 ch 1,	abusethanks for your review from way back when but just so you know, i'm really not that stupid as to where i would try to tell a story as a "report".it was informing the readers of what exactly is going on because that actually wasn't part of the story. Going into the story without that part attached would have led to reviews full of mass confusion - if it received any reviews at all. fanks...
bluewaves64 2005-12-08 ch 2,	abuseLiked the way u typed out the title... haha.. not related to the story, but i just thought of commenting on tat :) Some mistakes.. "Crystal winced clenching her fingers around the amulet, which once more felt cold to her fingers (fingers') touch" "Troubled, Crystal looked toward towards (repeated word?) the enchanted stone" "The thought of simply giving the amulet to Kyrin crossed her mind, yet then she remember (remembered) that the amulet..." "Crystal turned away, a frown firmly place (placed) on her ill-exuberant face." "An evil, malevolent, wicked game, that he would play to simply see how far he could pull his “little missy” until she would very (think that there's a missing word somewhere..) collapse." I liked your descriptions as they were rather detailed and flowed well.. nice one, and keep writing!

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