... wouldn't boiling ** just be water?

Oh god, you're so self-deluded it's cute. Seriously? ALL PEOPLE WHO WRITE FANFICTION WILL BURN IN HELL! GARGH!

I know that you posted this about... I don't know, four years ago? I'm too lazy to go check. Maybe you aren't even reading these anymore, or you don't care, but I want to tell you anyways.

I'm not even going to type as much as I want to for this.. Okay, well how unusually funny that I've actually written vampire slash-- and it's actually pretty bad in some parts. I need some editing. But it has a plot, there are a couple chapters up, and no sex. I've written fanfiction, almost all slash. I think that writing fanfiction about characters made by a Christian is no problem, as long as the characters aren't Christian. I think that while it's best to at least respect your opinion, or view (/I guess/), you didn't write this too well.

Maybe you've gotten better over the years, but there wasn't much humor at all. The plot could be funny, but you just didn't carry it well. I'm a huge fan of this kind of... wierd horror, but the descriptions were repetitive, facts and information were constant in a way that it was confusing, and it seemed like you had either a Bible as reference while writing this or you were assuming everyone has read it and knows what the hell you were speaking of. Even your explanation of the Bible terms and names were so forced and unnatural, I felt like I was reading from a Wikipedia page. Quite frankly, I see no surrealism, at all. Nothing, zip. I see a mound of words molded into some kind of monster that was out to get whoever didn't like your stories.

Also, as a golden rule, don't look at the people disliking your stories, look at the fact that they don't like them. Ask why, or if you please, IGNORE IT and write for the people that DO. Or, if your not going to ignore it, don't preach this crap-- that is crap because of how poorly it was written. I leave with a clique:
Good-day, sir.

...Fanfiction is an abomination in the eyes of God?

Wow.

The people who are giving you props for this story really need to be a little more honest. Yes, you are more than welcome to express any idea you have in a story --but-- that story must be well-written and this, quite plainly, is not.

Your writing style is too wordy, the errors are glaring. Have you ever considered editing a story before you go posting it online or having someone else edit for you?

The first sentence is rife with errors; I'm surprised anyone has read further.

I'm sorry,but that was one of the most horrible things I have ever read. If I had to choose between being burned alive at the stake or reading more of Paciones writing,I would take the stake every damn time.

:blink blink:Well, I always said I was going to hell for writing slash, but really...As a slash writer, a fanfiction writer, and a devoted Roman Catholic, I would like to say this: don't you think you're being a little too melodramatic? Personally, I think God isn't going to abandon me just because I like to write things in a different light. I realize this is just a story, but still...If you could e-mail me and explain your views, I would appreciate it. I believe my e-mail address is in my profile.

This story would have had a lot of potential, with a great plot idea. The sad thing is, it sucked.

I couldn't follow this. There were so many grammatical errors, some of them hidden by your pathetic attempts at sounding smart. I would like to point out that long sentences that don't say much, and lack of contraptions in dialougue doesn't make you look very smart.

Please, next time you write a story like this one, show it to a person with an English degree for editing. My gods, I have yet to read anything so bad. I'm sure Alice would have had better chances at interesting me.

A good writer captivates the reader. You didn't.

I would write more (as a matter of fact, I did), but I seem to enjoy going off on rants.

Normally I would be laughing my ** off at this, but I've decided to give it a slighty better response."writers that are on the other end of the spectrum."-What is this other spectrum you speak of? Gays? Dead Christians? "She was from the deep south, New Orleans."-The Pit of Evils isn't it? "She was using WordPerfect"-I use WordPefect, and while it may not be as good as the others, it does what I need it to."Damn those Midwesterners."-My sentiments exactly.Basically, you feel that us slash writers should burn in the fiery pits of Hades for unspeakable acts. I pity you. Now for some concrit, your story, while something I would not normally read, was interesting. There were, however, some awkward tense shifting and some odd spacing. Might I recomend that you either stick to the present tense or the passive? Or perhaps you could try the pluperfect passive? That could be fun.Sincerely, A Hell-bound person

I'm sorry but after reading the word "bastardize" for the twentieth time, I had to stop. However, I did have fun reading all the reviews. One more thing, if you want to be taken seriously as a horror writer, don't ever mention R.L. Stine in anymore of your stories.

"The non-slash writers will get the joke behind the story, but the ones who write slash will get **. I wrote it for that reason, I wanted to ** a few off and this story did that purpose. " Guess what? I've never written a slash fic in my life, and I probably never will, but I see no joke. So either your really bad with jokes, or there is no jokes. Just your opinion you've made into a pointless story. Congrats Little Nicky, your 28 and writing retorts to teenagers as if you were one yourself, you just happened to use emotionally empty character and poor discription to do it

You poor, poor person. Do you really hate other human beings that much? Are you really so unforgiving and spiteful? Are you really so unaccepting and stiff? Are you really so easily goaded that you'll write something like this because a few bad individuals flamed you? Are you really so ignorant as to blame a group of people for a few that wronged you? Your writing style aside (which I won't get into because Saikou covered that pretty effectivly) you need to accept people, your christian right? Doesn't god love all his children? Aren't you supposed to "Turn the other cheek" when harrased? What happened to "Forgive them father for they know not that they sin?"

The first thing you have to remember is that, like in any other form of art, writers who are just starting out use "slash" and fanfiction to imitate other writers before getting a sense of their own style.You're writing this for retribution, and while I have to respect your opinions, I can still give mine and say that I think you should just let it go: if you can't handle flames and annoyances, especially by a sect of writers you feel to be inferior, then just quit writing. There's always going to be someone who doesn't like your work.To move on to the actual story, you, as said before, fall into the biggest pitfall of writing: you don't show, you tell. You tell the reader what they're supposed to feel. You tell them who is good and who is bad. You fall into the pitfall of describing the character out of context, pulling us from the story before we ever have a chance to really sink in.Unfortunately, you don't really give us that chance through the rest of the story, either.Spelling and grammatical errors aside, your characters fall flat on their faces--FLAT being the key word. They have no dimension, no depth, and nothing more than a few snippets of dialogue that could be made FAR better if you just stopped and thought about how people really talk in a given situation.Your prose is neither evocative nor dynamic. Maybe you're still trying to find your voice, and that's alright, but learn from your mistakes. As I said before: show, don't tell. You're shoving opinions down our throats, and that really tends to kill the story, especially when so thinly veiled in bad prose, depthless characters, and a hackneyed vengeance tale.It's good you take your writing seriously, and that you write with raw emotion, but practice. Work on it. Rewrite. Revamp. Don't shove something out the door when the first draft is completed just to spite someone, and learn to take negative criticism (yes, even flames: you're a writer, buck up and deal with it) in stride.

Though I don't quite agree with the relgious elements, I do believe slash fanfics to be extremely annoying. Authors often make it pretty obvious who their characters are meant to be in love with, if they are to be in love at all. I think if the author doesn't mind then it's okay for fans to write whatever they want, but if the author is uncomfortable with it then the fans shouldn't just ignore them and keep on doing whatever they please. That's how you get sued. If I write fanfic's, I usually use my own characters and stay true to the canon characters personalities, but that's me. Well, I ramble. Compelling story, Nikolaus.

There’s a lot of information in this story, but the first section of this review will deal with the story and not the message. The story is in my opinion one of Nickolaus Pacione’s finest and one of my favorites. The concept of the hellish world inside of a horror writer’s head is scary enough, especially when the concept of retribution is thrown in. It is a plot that could have been applied to any vengeful situation and still manage to do very well. When work was stolen from Albert Poe a little of him was tainted by the fandom writer and that little bit of soul that she stole from him was what ultimately led to her damnation. Being trapped for eternity inside of her enemy’s imagination: an eternal hell. As the “dream” began I can honestly say that I was sucked into this chilling story and would have been regardless of whether it was anti-gay erotica or any other situation in which the violators get their chastisement. To me I don’t see a homophobic story, I see a very imaginative story about an interesting variation of the concept of hell. True, the story was created on the premise of angering fans of gay erotica related horror but underneath that confliction and hubbub is a great short story of horrific magnitude that most biased reviewers blind themselves to as a defensive measure; a sense of vulnerability causes this. This is a great story and would have been the subject of praise had it not debased so many slash authors. It also makes one wonder why this would offend them, that is if their work was truly there’s.

What Alice was doing was an "abomination in the eyes of God"? Isn't that taking it just a bit far, Mr. Pacione? I mean, really. I don't think God cares one way or the other about some horror writer's characters' bastardization. Even if he is a Christian. And why would you hate fandom writers? Can you explain this to me? Explain to me why you (any writer) would hate someone who loves your (or, again, any writer's) work so much that they would actually want to create more situations for their characters, etc. I, for one, would be rather flattered.

This story...this story, I'm afraid is just as doomed as all your others. You seem not follow through with one thought before you pick up the thread of another. I don't think WordPerfect has created a program to edit this yet, but you might want to take a trip to your nearest Circuit City and check up on that. Your stories lack any cohesion whatsoever. They lack depth. You are repetitive and redudant where repitition and redundancy isn't poetic, thought-provoking, or...ingratiating, even, to the reader. I mean, "an electronic email"? "Email" means "electronic mail," so, in essence, what you are saying, is she sent him an "electronic electronic mail." Which is just...tragic, on your part...and painful on the reader's. I have said this before, Mr. Pacione, on Midnighter's, I believe: You have an abundance of creativity (however insulting or offensive it may be), but you must learn how to use properly...and sensically. You need a good, not to mention forgiving and masochistic, editor to help you along the rough patches. And from what I've read, the entire story is a rough patch.

Temple Swann.