Its pretty good. but there are a couple places where the flow is a bit disrupted.

Wow. Just wow. breathtaking, just amazing. I'm compelled to read more, nicely done.

PS. I would ask you to read my stuff, but im afraid id be embarased for your talent is definetly inferior )

nice. i like the use of the couplets. this shows you have quite a way with words. and thanx for reviewing my work.

Well that was remarkably done. I love your ways of putting simple human emotions that seem to be depressing, into beautiful visuals. I love your 'colorful' style. R and R my treasures too!