You HAVE to turn this into a novel! I was left wanting more! I would love to read more about Kevin's upbrining ie more of the relationship between he and his mother leading upto this part of the story. Of course, then having the satisfaction as a reader to see what happens "One of these days!"

Would have liked better descriptions, I prefer you describe the scenarios & let my mind's eye form them. You do this so well in your other stories, I would like to see it continue. Overall, I must say, this is the most fascinating of your stories and is now rated my #1!! Way to go Slave...KEEP IT UP!

Very nice but left me wanting to read another chapter. Gripping

Hey, wow... You know, I half blame the guy for staying in the position he's in. 29, lives with is mom, yet is a manager of a story so you'd think he could save up atleast enough for an apartment! Heh. Sorry, had to say it!

I enjoyed the story. I wouldn't necessarily label it under the mystery genre, however. Afterall, mysteries (that I find are good?) tend to actually portray an air of mystery to them.

Your story is too short and straight to the point to really be called a mystery in my eyes.

This, yet again!, not saying I didn't like it.

Sorry if some of my reviews aren't necessarily *kind*.. Ehehe? Oh well, what can I say. I'm a **, but I still keep reading so that should prove good for you!

Lots of Love!,Sincerely Signed Anaka

I would have to so, that so far, this is my favorite!! I love these type of wicked psycho types!! Chills man, chills!!

i...didn't really get it... but it was a good read...til the end...which i didn't get... but...yeah...anyway i sorta liked it.

keep writing!

kashe

I didn't finish my review just now for this. "Over-cooked hot dog"... EW... what kind of a description.

Disturbing... I thought the real mother could have been... meaner and could have been more on her. Anyway, Kevin's thoughts in the first chapter should be in italics, instead of having " " and being clumped together with what he actually says. It's quite difficult to read.

Oh. My. Gosh. How.. what.. AH! Excellently written. Wonderful idea. "the others" I take it Kevie-mevie is a serial killer? This is terrible! And yet, his mother continues to abuse him.. This is great!

Really disturbing and creepy. I loved it! The really scary thing is that I think I work with this guy. LOL!

Well written! You make excellent use of imagery! The only thin that threw me a little was this sentence:
"She got up and tried to run but her head was a little dizzy from him choking her." -You should find a way to show this, not tell. You do it beautifully throught the story, so it was just this one little thing to nit-pick on!
=kat=
http://w.fictionpress.com/~katatonic

You certainly know how to write disturbing and chilling stories, slave, and this one was no exception.
What a total sociopath Kevin turned out to be. Kind of a Norman Bates type. I'd almost like to be around to witness what Kevin does 'one of these days' since he's apparently had so much practice...Kudos!

I'll be back at 'eleven o'clock tonight' to see what takes place...hopefully that will be soon.
This is excellant.
Too bad about the challenges. I was really looking forward to the next one. :(

This actually freaked me out from the title and summary. Keep it up. Check some of my stuff out.

Kevin the beserk toy-store manager...needs to manage his anger a little more!
Keep it coming, slave. I'm curious to see where this is going.

great start, i can't wait to read the rest.