Wow this sounds familiar. I think you should read my short one shot fic, i think it's called "The day of Goodbye"...Good writin and poems don't have to ryhme :D*~Rachel~*

Wow...I'm sad now. Not fair! A lovely, lyrical poem. I hope this isn't something that you'd actually *do*, though--you know, the whole suicide thing. I think a lot of people would be very sad. I know I would be. Well, this is excellent. Keep writing!

Heylo, Carrie. I'll be working my way through a few of your poems today.
It's true that the poem doesn't rhyme, but I don't really think that rhyming would have an impact on the effectiveness of this piece. I think it's fine as a non-rhyming poem.
The last stanza needs a bit of work. Maybe add a stanza before it, so that the complete story is shown...

sniff.. i like it... yeah, it seems like its leaving stuff out, but i like it the way it is, intriguing and all...and i unno, the not rhyming works. really well.