FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| LittleChoLo 2004-08-05 ch 1,  | abuseSome thought-provoking questions and ideas discussed, but remember to punctuate the piece properly. The end of the fourth and eleven lines of the second stanza should have question marks, and the following lines should be punctuated as follows: "Or is it that people just assume that there is always something better for them; we are all so pure that we all should be allowed in to heaven, or whatever it is called." I think that's right. I've noticed how you decided to leave the poem open-ended by asking the question "Can it be stopped?", but I think that it might also be effective to summarize with a statement at the end. You've used a writing technique in this last stanza which my English teacher liked to call the 'rule of three' (three rhetorical questions). This is effective. The summarizing statement could be placed after these for a more dramatic finish and a bold conclusion to round off everything. Death is a very controversial issue and the piece captures your views and attitudes to good effect. |