 123456789gone 2004-06-26 . chapter 1Nice. Very sweet. Technically, spot on. Again.
This has a really good rhythm to it. It would go quite well to music. I don't know if you've thought about that at all. Either way, it flows well. I am not so sure about the four lines that break the length though. It does break the pattern a little.
With a little rearrangement, the fifth stanza can be changed to "I long to be held closely,/To be hugged and petted,/spared from dreary thoughts/That I have ever fretted.
You get the idea.
Anyway, good stuff. |