Beautifully done.

Wow. This was some of the best work i have read so far! i love how you drew the reader (me!) in. i..well... um i don't know what to say. It was really good! There are a few errors like "Grey clouds in broken sky" i think it would read better if it was something like this: "Grey clouds in 'a' broken sky". However this is yours! So i ain't gonna tell ya how to write! Great job! can't wait to read more of your stuff!