NO WHAT!!... WHAT. why have you done this, such blasphemy, ahh couldnt finish it could you? damn... -.-' oh well... guess ill have to start the other one then, well this one was great... GREAT I SAY!!. KILL THEM ALL I SAY!!... i mean., erm... yeah, great. *wanders off with crowbar in hand* gimme the sweet and deliciously sour candy that is STORY!

Hahahah, ... ah i havent reviewed any of the other chapters i went through but i had to this one, i had a hard time not laughing out loud. Doc's great

So Natalie's father just so happened to be there/ Okay, that horrible coincidence aside, I found myself agreeing with Roderick in his tirade more than Jason in his defense, although the yelling I don't agree with. Jason is a womanizer. I don't think either of them have the right to say that either is better than the other.

Ugh! And Jacob cried again! That boy need a could swift kicks in the ** to toughen him up. I'm serious. I don't even cry that much and I am seriously the girliest guy my friends have ever met. (I'm the girliest guy I've ever met.)

But, the drama ensues with the random return of Jacob's father (Where the Hell has he been? That better be explained!)

Oh you have no idea how happy I am that someone actually turned Jason down. The dumb blonde is actually one of the smartest characters you have, even if the reason was actually frivolous. Still don't like Jason all that much, though.

On the flip side, the change in perspective to Art and the younger boy allowed for a different view on things and it was nice to see Jason from a different point of view.He still sucks from that point of view, but it's a different kind of sucks. It's not as bad. It's like Sucks Lite.

This chapter probably would have made more sense to me had I actually read your other story. That being said, I feel it was actually better written that most of the other chapters.

Surprisingly, Jason actually came off as a person with at least a little bit of balls. Maybe if he hung out with real men instead of Jacob he's assert himself better. All those ** don't appear to be doping much for him, but I suppose I have to see the long term effects, assuming he makes it that far.

Yes, Jason still seemed more manly than ever, even when he was laying on another man, however unrealistic it was.

OMG! Finally! A chapter that I can finally consider good! Now we're getting somewhere. Is this really a good idea? Is the best way to get a man out of depression just to throw a whole bunch of ** at him? Probably not, but it's a plan nonetheless. (A good plan probably wouldn't make for a good story.)

The reason I can consider this chapter good is that there's not crybabies in this chapter! Nope. It's only the girls, the females of the story being the only characters with balls apparently. The fact that Jackie randomly pops back after five chapters of absence doesn't bother me becuase now it seems she has a purpose. I don't believe her purpose is necessary and I still don't believe Jason deserves it nor would it actually work in real life, but it's their plan and this is the first time of actually cared how it turns out.

You should have gone with your author's note idea. Just skip ahead. If you''re going to give him thirty girls (thirty more than he should get) then just do it. Reading about how every little ** comes to his house and meets him and has no problem with the fact that he just had about twenty other girls is extremely uninteresting.

It's nice to see that he has a special bird, one that he cared for above all others. I really hope that wasn't just thrown in this chapter to humanize him. If you don't expend on that, then it seems like a pointless endeavor to make Jason more likable and it'll make me dislike him even more in the end. However, for right, now, that's the good point of the chapter.

Maybe if I cried a little more I'd get the same amount of girls... Nah, I don't have a Natalie. All I have is an Emily and she's currently not speaking to me, but I digress. I don't like Jason. He's a terrible character in my honest opinion. He's a loner crybaby with manic depressive issues and an inability to form a solid intimate relationship and he gets all the girls. Nah, his main girl recruits other girls for him. I don't know who Ren is, (I'm guessing the main character of another of your stories), but I can't say she's worse than Jason.)

The upside is that with every coming chapter and the unlikeliness that comes with Jason, all the other characters are becoming much more likable and realistic in comparision. I don't know if that was the intent, but I like every other character so much more than Jason, who gets so much more than he deserves.

OMG! The guys actually made it through a chapter without a crying! (I guess they ran out of water...) Cliche? One-hundred percent. What you have is the stereotype bully from high school who, for some OCD reason still harbors a pointless hatred towards a random nerd. Now some 13 odd years later, the bully gets humiliated when the girl he wanted turns out to be with the nerd he picked on Ouch. Effective? yes. Obvious. Absolutely.

Everything in this chapter I saw coming from a mile away. You named a bunch of names from his high school days that I don't remember. Repetition is the best way to memorization and naming ten people in one sentence is not the way. If you plan on using these characters again, then fine. If not, then the sentence was completely unessesary.

Once again, Jason cries. At the very least you managed to keep Jacob's tearduct from overproducing liquid, or else this chapter would have flooded at around the third paragraph. Charlie has now become the most masculine character you have, despite being a girl. (Her masculine name gives her two points on the masculine scale. Her ballsyness in comparison to the lack of ballsyness exhibited by the guys gives her forty manly points).

With the addition of Charlie, despite making your male character seem even more like little girls, rounds out the cast of characters a little better.

Okay, with this chapter Jason has proved he has at least SOME masculinity, but even when he's doing the most masculine thing a guy can do, he still manages to seem like a whiny crybaby, literally. He's crying at the emotional pull of his own song.

Also, it seems like Jason came to the realization that Jacob is nothing more that a nuisance like three times already. Is he going to do anything about it? And Natalie. What can I say about her? Really, she's the manliest out of all of them.

Remember when I said these guys had issues. I was exaggerating. These guys cry more than babies. There's nothing wrong with a man getting in touch with his feminine side. I can see that for great characterization, but Jacob and Jason seem like big crybabies to me.

This chapter was more like a long poems than a short chapter of a story, and poems do not interest me. Nevertheless, it was good. Now only if I could see a side of the characters that didn't have a tear steaming down their cheeks, maybe this story would be better.

This chapter is once again way too short. Nothing really happened except for Jason coming to the realization that I already figured out two chapters ago. His life sucks. It's always sucked. A revelation is all well and good, but I want to know what he does with it. It's somewhat pointless to separate the direct action when it would have fit into this chapter just as well.

However, I'll commend you on that this chapter appears to have much less grammatical errors than before. While the "paragraphs are you friends" idea does not seem to be a factor here, it's still a bit easier to read now that there are the correct amount of periods.

I'm just going to say this: Both Jason and Jacob seem to have ISSUES! I don't mean to say that their a little weird or a little clingy. They totally have issues. Huge issues! And that's the good part of the story. I like issues.

Bad part? The grammar is still glaring, even by my standard. You should try and go over your story before uploading it. There are a hundred periods where they shouldn't be.

Paragraphs are your friends. I really hope this crowded way of typing isn't a common theme thought all of your chapters. On top of that, there are some glaring punctuation errors like period where there should either be commas or nothing at all. I feel the chapters are a bit to short as well, but to each his own on that subject.

On a better note, I like where the story is progressing. I'm interested in what Jason has to teach Jacob and what's going on between Miss Marley and Jason.