 katmandu 2004-07-22 . chapter 1 This is a beautifully, tenderly, told story. Your sensitivity for the old man is poignant and you get inside his skin and make the reader fill he is real. His thoughts appear authentic. Not an easy task for someone your age. Bravo!
Comment: I think the one word that sounds out of joint is "cooties". If you want to describe the old man's knowledge of how the young boy feels selfconscious, try to find a word that the old man, himself, might come up with. |
 Ann Onymus 2004-07-07 . chapter 1Wow! This was so sad. When I read your mini-summary on the main page I mislead into thinking this was a nostalgia piece of another nature. Your imagery is very good in that the words and phrases conjur up mental pictures for the reader as they read. Your hero is so down-trodden, that it's almost painful to read. If that was your intent, then well done!
I think you are a strong writer and I look forward to reading more of your work. |