 Dagmar 2004-08-25 . chapter 4 Ooh please write more!
One minor thing:
When Kali is running through the tunnels, Ryger's father says “Ryger...It is your job to protect her. We are needed here, but we’re confident in your abilities. We’re trusting you. Don’t let anything happen to her.” I don't think he'd talk that long because Ryger's gotta catch up to Kali! Plus I think it would have more of an impact on the reader if it was condensed.
Excellent so far, though. Keep writing! |