i really like the idea...but if you were ever to rewrite this (i'm not saying you should!!), you might want to change the words "sprawl" and phrase "let the telephone ring." they sound...out of place? but the picture is sweet. gentle. touching. you might want to check on how you put it, buti like it. and it has a tune to it? you should make one...: )

hello, this is coaster992001 from wws. the poem had good words, but no real theme. try to get an idea or picture of a feeling or something your trying to comunicate to the reader, and do your best to weave the words into that feeling or picture. i hope that made sence. right now, the poem seems to be just words that sound good together. good start. pretty good for someone as young as you. i cant wait to see what you'll be writing in 10 years!

Oh. I like it. The rhyming and flow is good first off, and I really like the differences you make within nightand day. The remember is always strong. Great poem. Keep writing!

thats so weird. my review didnt show up. anyway, great poem! it has a really nice ring to it--IT EVEN RHYMES! woohoo. lol.