hi !

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You rated yourself too hard. This chapter is a wonderful addition. It gives insight into the characters and sometimes a whole chapter just needs to be spent on this. Keep up the good work.

This is a wonderful story. I wonder if they are going to get over the magic. Please update this and Pomegranate Seeds.

You said my grammar is terrible? Infact, the dialouge is correct to the era. who counted who's ribs? you cannot have two subjects in one sentance.

Absolutley love the new chapter. Most of Scotia Li's assesments were right but sense Rose could see the castle I don't see a problem because the castle would also have a spell to protect wayfarers from running into it, wouldn't it? and the part of Calamir reflecting that she wouldn't stop also makes sense for you changed point of view (didn't you) and it is needed to understand that she is the first person to have stopped in ages. Once again, thank you for a wonderful story

I'm glad I stumbled upon this story! It's my first time back on Fictionpress in months, and how lucky am I that the first thing I read looks so promising?
I like how you set up the scene-it's an atypical introduction, without anything cliched, and without the actual names of the characters. Very mysterious, very intriguing. I like.
Now that I've said that...I shall proceed to rip it apart.
...Just kidding! *evil grin* But there are a couple suggestions:
-You say, in the third paragraph, that he hadn't expected the rider to stop. Then, in the next paragraph, you treat it as a surprise that they stopped...if you have that first statement in the third paragraph, the reader isn't surprised, because he/she's already figured out that the rider stopped. Yeah. Besides, it's a bit unclear that way: does the rider stop inside the gate, or after, um, riding through it?
-The problem with invisible castles is that people who can't see them would probably have the nasty habit of running smack into them. Although you said there were no passersby usually, I still have to wonder about that-if he saw the rider, wouldn't he automatically think she *might* run into the gate or the wall or something, before he knew she could see the castle (and I'm assuming she can, although that's ambiguous)?
-Does he know/recognize her? Yeah, he does, right? So why didn't he recognize her when she was first riding up? You'd think that the first thing he'd notice about her would be who she is, in that case, not that she's thin. So it's ambiguous again, and I'm not sure if you intended it to be that way.
Okay, I'm done! Sorry for the nitpicking. I really, really do like this, especially the last 2 1/2 paragraphs. Nah, heck, the whole thing. I go read second part now.
-Skosh

Nice. Some of your words are missing here or there but Love the new chapter. Keep up the good work.

Wonderful addition. Good work. You may want to read the chapter out loud to catch the very few spelling mistakes and any unecessary words.