FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| dess 2008-02-24 ch 6, anon. | abusehow...is it possible for someone to have a 9 inch waist... |
| bish 2008-02-24 ch 2, anon. | abusei think your style of writing doesn't sit well with me. when i read it, i'm aware that someone wrote it (something to do with how you recount everything almost as if you were listing the things that happened) instead of the story unfolding before my eyes, like having the words instantaneously translating into mental scenes. currently, those mental scenes don't flow too well. i hope i'm not being incoherent.. and i hope this helps. |
| Asukachan 2006-02-16 ch 7, anon. | abuseerm... you know people have groins but they don't groin... they groan, and it's not barring but burying ... (that's from ch. 6 and 7) By the way this is quite out there... It lacks information, not to mention a good bit of coherence... whaen you write you need to justify everything that happens and make it plausible, believable... COHERENT. You had written quite a lot of stuff before and such silly mistakes are unjustified. Anyway don't take it as a flame, because it's not... take as an objective criticism. |
| NU Romance 2005-03-22 ch 9,  | abuseI just finished reading it. I just wanted to point out that there were a lot of spelling errors and misuse of words. And I have read a lot of romance novels, too, but this story is just strange. |
| Jameela 2005-02-03 ch 9, anon. | abusei juz read d whole thing n omg its so nice ur an awesome writer,gr8 job!! ;) well done :D |
| blazing gem 2004-12-28 ch 8, | abusehey! I enjoyed reading this story... aww..I love happy endings! Good job! |
| Lola Sanchez 2004-08-09 ch 8, | abuseOh er! saucy stuff here ;-) really well written and exciting ;-) you could have yourself a winner there! keep it up! |
| Scorpio 2004-08-09 ch 8, anon. | abuseWOW! That was a fast ending! lol! Anyways, there is going to be another chapter, like an epilogue or something that explains a little bit about what happened to Darrel, right? Not that i like him, or anything weird like that (ew, no ways) but still, i'm just really curious what happens to him. Anyways, update one more time, ok? |
| Kimberly Kate 2004-08-09 ch 8, | abuseSix inches thick? THICK?? Oy! That would so not fit in her mouth, let alone anywhere else. *wink wink* That seems a teensy bit unrealistic. Just thinking about a six inch thick dick (hehe! rhymes!) makes me cringe in pain. Ouch! Otherwise, it's okay! |
| LcT514 2004-08-09 ch 8, | abusegreat story, will there be a n epilogue of telling what happened to darrel? and what about this new character?...hehe update soon~ |
| Phoebe Love 2004-08-09 ch 7, | abuseIt's about time! Just kidding, I was just getting as frustrated as Drake. But, I loved how you lead up to this moment: you had so much emotion and so much detail that it made everything believable. Update Soon! Feebs |
| LcT514 2004-08-04 ch 3, | abuselol, thanks for the answers... this chap is making me think about what drake is feeling for jilian...hm... yep, i say hes falling for her =P. |
| LcT514 2004-07-27 ch 2, | abuseWOW...did she go crazy or soemthing...? or she really doesnt know that its drake? so does drake have feelings for her, or did he marry her for sympathy and pity? |
| LcT514 2004-07-27 ch 1, | abusewhoa...interesting...update soon ! |
| Phoebe Love 2004-07-26 ch 2, | abuseI hope she figures out who this is soon! Good chapter though. Feebs |