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| Noir Fleurir 2006-11-13 ch 2,  | abusegood chapter didnt notice anything in this one :) |
| Noir Fleurir 2006-11-13 ch 1, | abusethis is a good start. at first though you said three boys and one girl and then you said three girls and one boy. which one? |
| Proud to be an American 2005-05-29 ch 2, | abusewow, I love this story!! This is going on my favorites =) Write more soon! It's very well written and it makes you want to read more. ~*Toni*~ |
| KayleeTonksLupin 2004-11-29 ch 2, anon. | abuseWow, grand-mere, awesomeawesome...poor Emma...*sniff* *huggleses Emma and Father Victor* |
| Whistling Gypsy Rover 2004-07-18 ch 1, | abuseGood, good. Your beginning gave me inspiration for reading further on. -'“Emma Adeline.” came the nun’s...' You shouldn't have a period at the end of Sister Ursula's dialogue. When you move from a character's dialogue to the telling of who is saying it, or how they are saying it, you are continuing the same sentence; you would use a comma at the end of the dialogue instead of a period. Therefore: '"Emma Adeline," came the nun's...' -"...Sister Ursula could hardly oppress a worried sigh." Oppress seems, in my opinion, a bit too strong a word. The word 'suppress' is a bit milder but still conveys much of the same feeling. I hope you will write more of the story, for I am looking forward to hearing more of little Emma's adventures. The story does precisely what I feel it should: it gives the reader a fairly good idea of where the story is going to lead, but only in the vaguest terms, and they haven't any idea how. Good work! |