 Militant-Antibody 2004-09-09 . chapter 1You have an odd way of making strange metaphors fit entirely the mood and context of your poem. You said in you summary that you don't much like the piece, and it does show in a way; though never in such a way as to say that you "hate" it. The piece has a touch of loathing to it, the kind you get from those "unfortunate" romances that so often fill our summers. Again, I love the way you play with words. Just a good piece of poetry. |
 LordK 2004-08-03 . chapter 1"Currency of Teenage Affection" Is one of the best metaphors for teenage love ever. That is simply brilliant. I mean, that's classic. I loved that and "next to your heart and some lint" Great line. From this I got a feeling that your style is quite philosophical, and that you both descended and ascended for this poem. I really enjoyed the poem, though. The first stanza was a bold opening, and drew the reader in immeadiately with it's description. The second was a bit vague compared to the physical terms of the first. But at the same time I loved the alternation between physical and metaphorical. That was very clever, I thought. I also liked "Haunting my body" great line. The third stanza wasn't quite as good, in my opinion. I kinda glossed over it, to be honest, but I liked the way you slipped in the goodbye. I liked the second line, but the image of nesting confused me, and 'deep' seemed like it messed with the meter a bit. The fourth... well, not a wonderful metaphor, but it definitely got the job done. The third line didn't quite fit the meter, though. The last line was great in it's duality, because sunrise can be taken both as literal exposition, or them being late in their relationship which is so bright for such an early age. The fifth stanza: What can I say? It's absolute genius, pure and simple. It's clear that you have incredible talent from this line. The last one wasn't a letdown, but I have to admit it wasn't as strong as the fifth. But then again, not as strong for you is better than most writers best, it seems. I liked the use of billboard, because of it's pertinance to teenagerdom, but, like Ziplock, I don't know if it was the best metaphor. Yet, it's still very effective.
Overall, it was amazing. All the criticisms were simply nitpicks. The bad and inconsistant paled in the face of the brilliance of some of the stanzas and lines. I mean, it basically ranged from good to absolutely outstandingly, professionally quotably good. If you couldn't tell, I really liked both this poem and the title metaphor, which was a stroke of pure genius. GENIUS! |