Nice piece, Jon...
I think you set out your thoughts quite well, actually. Why do you think you don't?
However, with the thought of 'Have to give C.C.!' in my mind, I want to let you know that-
'Don't want to
Leave'
-doesn't flow too well with the two lines before it. Maybe you should use a longer word than 'Leave'.
Please remember that this is just my personal opinion.
Good work.
-Rachel.

I think this conveyed emotions really well and the repition gave it a very nice edge. A stunning piece of work - Great job!

i loved the form of this