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| ashes fall 2004-07-29 ch 1,  | abuseSounds really awesome so far! The beginning is very strong and pulls you right into the story. It's rather left me curious about a number of things. How old is Lark? Perhaps explain a little about her during the school scene, through involved details if necessary. (Such as "maybe her talent just surpassed that of a third-grader" or however old she may be.) Oh also, why did Sanding instictively stab the paper? Rather odd behaviour.. Certainly draws me in though. The transition into the scene of the night's events was a bit quick, I got a bit confused =/ perhaps give a little insight into how Lark is feeling about all this, does she try to interact with anyone (or anything)? I'm curious as to how this all started! Hopefully we'll find out in later chapters =) I'm excited to find out who this red haired man is. Is he one of her drawings? Does she recognize him at all? Oh and, why wasn't Lark being attacked by the monsters? This leaves open a lot of possibilities that would certainly make this story even more awesome, such as she can control them or something crazy like that! To answer your request, since the story is based off the reality of Lark's drawings coming to life, a real world environment would add much more suspense and drama to the story. Overall I think this story has a lot of potential and is definitely on a great track. Can't wait to find out what happens next! =) (By the way: I LOVE the name Lark, it's really awesome!) |
| Red Vision 2004-07-29 ch 1, | abuseGreat story i loved it, you have a great imagination, keep it up. Check out my very first novel called Abyss, i have 8 chapters up so far and again good job, please continue, see ya. |