This is beautiful! I love some of the descriptive imagery, and the sheer desire behind this is overwhelming. I love all the one-word lines. (If you read 'Before the Storm, you'll know I am a big fan of one-word lines.) No issure with the lining this time.

The one thing I don't like is the line in the middle that says 'LALALALA.' It doesn't really make sense, and it doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem, and I'm not a big fan of all caps as it is. But the rest of it is really in writing,pointythings

Devine.D.

I like the random words and the repeated "night day" theyre good, the LALALALA in the middle made me laugh, I don't know whether it was supposed to!
Well done! please review my story India. Thanks and well done again.
Mimi x