FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| maxnotevoltage 2005-10-26 ch 1,   | Put simply, but very powerful. And honest - wanting to help, but unable to. Empathy is tough sometimes... especially when we know that's what our friend needs most - and we don't know how to give it... -- J.max |
| botmasta 2004-11-20 ch 1, | I like it. I have no suggestions. |
| kirjava d 2004-09-05 ch 1, | I did like it until the last line where you repeated "nothing" twice. Not that that's bad or anything, I just think using another word would work nicer. |
| annihilated soul 2004-09-05 ch 1, | Hmm, I know what that's like. I've been in the same kinda helpless situations myself, and still don't really know what to do. I like the style. Non rhyming, and how honest and like straight forward it seems. :-) By the way, thanks for reviewing all my stuff. I really needed it. :-) |
| Narev 2004-08-04 ch 1, | This poem really spoke to me, mostly becuase this is how I felt when my parents got divorce, I hid it all away, anyway, I really liked this poem. Good job! |
| lunarghost 2004-08-02 ch 1, | that's really good. i know those feelings well for i've been on both sides of the situation. you did a wonderful job conveying the emotion. nice work! |
| EowynDernhelm 2004-08-02 ch 1, | Very good. I love free style poetry and writing it; it just seems to flow off my hand onto the page, if you know what I mean, and it always sounds good. One suggestion I have for this is maybe put in more metaphors to make it more of a mystery. Also, this has a specific beat to it. You might want to throw in something to either a)confirm the beat pattern, or b) shake off the beat. This has just the amount of beat that it can swing either way. And about the metaphors: you might not want to listen to me on that sublect. I wrote a very long poem that was almost nothing but metaphors, and indecipherable to anyone except for me, unless I went through, line by line, and explained it to them. of course, I'm sure if you studied it closely you could figure them out. I still loved the poem anyway. Keep it up! ;) |