Good News: Still doing good. I can follow the storyline pretty easily, you're improving on your descriptive details. In this chapter, it's once again grammar and odd things you seemed to have left out. Don't feel bad, this happens to everyone esp me. I'll send you the other stuff, life before. Keep up the good work and can't wait to read more!

Doing great, I'm truly loving what I am reading. I'm still hooked into the plot. I have a lot less to say about this one than I did the last two chapters because you're getting better and more polished with your chapters as well as your wording of things. It's mainly small, nitty gritty things like grammar and rewording. As always, feel free to use all, part, or none. I'll send you the corrections. It'll be easier that way.

Hello!! I'm just wandering around fictionpress and decided to take a look at this. I always comment as I read, so bear in mind that these are really my thoughts as I go, not conclusions made at the end.
~
1.) You might want to put a horizontal line or something after the end of your A/N, just for legibility.
2.) " "Child! He yelled in exasperation, " -- Missing an ending quote here.
3.) " "Forsooth, little one, I thought we were beyond this." The brother heaved," -- Ok, so you need to go check out the Grammar Review that I posted here. Read the chapter about punctuation in dialogue. Because the periods at the end of each of your quotes are wrong. I'm not going to comment on it again, since you're smart enough to fix it everywhere if you can fix it once, but be aware that this problem is all over your story. On the other hand, as far as plot and characters go, I really like the line. Just clean up the grammar for me, please!
4.) "His soft green eyes met her hazels eyes" -- Just "hazel".
5.) "Why have you cone for me?" -- Typo! "come".
6.) "What yse are they?" -- "yse"?
7.) "If they are willing to bleed her, " -- Missing a quote here.
8.) "Love for the first twin had always been immediate, and the second, Tyrian, had remained always an afterthought.
" -- Interesting...
9.) "It quite successfully failed." -- Hahahahahahaa!
10.) "In your chamers, then" -- typo. "chambers".
~
Very well done!! I really like this beginning. Your characters are excellent and realistic, and you threw me into the plot without overwhelming me. You leave me wondering what's to happen next! Alas, I have to work now, but I'll be back later to find out!
Keep writing!
Ruatha

I must say, it's quite interesting to see this style of writing on Fictionpress; it's almost refreshing. But with this style comes a small error and I'm glad to see you haven't made it. This error is to overdescribe something which in turn will cause your reader to probably fall asleep at the keyboard. I obviously recomend not doing this. Anyway, excellent story so far and I will enjoy checking for further chapters.

Ah, heavens me, I see the blasted spelling errors. *goodhumored grumblings* Thank you for pointing them out! I would have never looked for them myself! *skip*

I see you have added a chapter before the one that I originally reviewed. It's wonderful. I'm really getting a sense of everyone's relationship with each other and Ealin's life before Talkirin offers to take her. There are a bunch of spelling errors that you missed. I can't wait to see what happens that takes her brothers before her mother goes and now I understand what you mean by the Otherside. Ealin is more lifelike and relatable now. I'm sorry I can't offer more help other than check your spelling in BOTH chapters.

Ok, here goes. I like your intro to the story. It diffinately catches your attention, quickly draws you in, and pleasantly keeps your interest through the storyline so far. Overall, I'd honestly say that this piece was pretty well written. Some fine tuning on a few details like some of the wording and maybe showing both of the characters personalities a little more. They both come across as shy and Talkirin as awkward. Some other stuff for you. The paragraph that starts, "Ealin sat beside her grandsire calmly, gazing out into the shower". The second sentence in that paragraph reads,"She had been expecting this visit for some time now, haing". I think you missed a letter in the word "haing". The paragraph that starts with "With a slight wave of her fingers, the flame leapt from the wick". The last part of that sentence reads,"a shimmering, gossamer blanket that wrapped itself around the old man, and disappeared, singing deep down into the marrow of his bones." The part about the singing down int his bones doesn't make any sense to me. Was the "heat" blanket that she created making some sort of noise that resembled a soft singing as it embraced him or did you mean that it was "seeping" down into him? I think that a few of your sentences would flow a little more easily if you broke them up into a couple of shorter ones instead of a single long one. Be a little more descriptive so your reader can really plung themselves into visualizing the story as they read it. What did the "heat" blanket look like as she wove it? Was it blue the entire time as the flame that it came from or turning various intricate colors as the process took place? What does Ealin look like? Does her talent mark her in any way for example, if you looked straight into her eyes - could you see the flames burning within her? What sort of clothes does Talkirin wear? What color and body build does the cat have? What's the cat's temperment? You're more than welcome to pick and choose which portions of this you'll use or none at all. As the author, this is your right. I hope I was able to help you out in some way by sharing both the good and bad. Thanks for your review and I will continue keeping an eye on this story. I'm not much for romance but I'm very interested in seeing where this story goes!
Silver Leaf

Interesting...I love the details! Though I would suggest not using so many repetitives, it is very well written. Thanks, and write more soon!
~bunny-san

Beautiful descriptions, and Ealin seems to have a very interesting power that has a lot of potential, along with your fabulous story. You're writing style is absolutely wonderful. Keep up the good work. Hasta luego.
chibichocobo