I have read a few of your stories and so far this has been one of the easier ones to understand and thus made it more enjoyable and manageable than the others. I would have to concur with some of the others though about changing some words. I understood the story but there is room for improvement and I know if I could compose a tale like this I’d want it to be perfect. Your style is a little awkward but that’s something you’ll just have to devise over time and no one can tell you what your style is just don’t try to be a carbon copy of any existing author live or dead.

Good luck and hope you find your style because these ideas are rather fascinating.

Will has a very good point when he tells you certain things, but you just don't seem to listen. Sure, I'm siding with him on this issue with you and the rest of the writing industry. Yes, you're a controversial writer, and do I agree with being associated with someone's anthology whose reputation could ruin my career? 'Course not.

I see you "revised" this, or something, at Wrasp.net. But let me tell you one thing, Nick: you're not getting anywhere with this bizarre writing style. Everytime I read one of your stories it takes me quite a while to understand what you're saying. I realize I might have a different "vision" of your stories, but really, your "style" needs major work. I'm sure there are some writing groups and grammar teachers out there near you in Illinois that might be able to help, but really. There are many grammar mistakes in this that would make a grammar teacher beg for mercy. I'd like to post some things out, but there is a limit to word count in reviews. Your word choice is tedious, and the dialogue isn't believable. I know what believable dialogue is after my rigorous attempt to improve the dialogue in my stories. You should maybe consider a new writing "style", but keep your ideas because they are original. This isn't one of your best stories; in fact I don't know if you have any. I bet most of the people reading your work are scratching their heads in confusion since your "style" is bland.

Oh yeah, and I'd like you to not refer to me as one of your "proteges" since it makes me feel, well, uncomfortable.

I love everything about this story. The plot is so original and it is impossible to fault in any way. Watch out for this guy,he could be the Stephen King of the future.

Most interesting. I don't think a doctor would say "horrid", I think they're more likely to say unfortunate or even terrible, horrid doesn't sound very profesional. But overall, very interesting, and entertaining. Thanks for the review by the way!

Wow, a lot of people who review you are **. They must be those gay erotica writers or something. Spelling errors? Pfft! No one is perfect. It's like these sad ** expect me to believe that they have never made a spelling mistake, assuming they even write...or know how ,without asking someone to help them.

Again, Nick, this is the second story of yours I've read, and yet again I see the same spelling errors and redundant words. You really should give the story a few drafts before posting it; it can only make your work stronger. Besides the errors, I felt that there was far too much telling and not enough showing in this piece.

I found some areas confusing and choppy (ie. While all the while she was confined to bed. *the words just don't flow well*). The good news is this piece was very imaginative, descriptive, and you were able to project how Hellen was feeling. Nice work, keep it up.
**Slave**

I'm back!
So let's start playing this game, Nickypoo: you block me from reviewing your stories, I register with another name (or computer), and I review again. I will review your work. Right, as I said before, there is a lot wrong with this collection of misspelled words. You need to learn how to spell first, then how to write. Hope that helps.

This is really good. To be negative first though:
If the ferryman's name is ferryman, then shouldn't it be 'Ferryman' all through, I did notice that it was 'Ferryman' at some point though, but this reverted again to 'ferryman', by the way, is this Charon? You wrote;
“Death,” the doctor answers, “he comes for those with their passing to take them across the River Styx.”
Actually the River Styx is the river leaving Hell, not entering, but I'll take it as a flaw to the doctors knowledge instead.
Also, when you describe the brother's near-decapitation you mention the word 'decapitation' a lot in the following paragraph.
Sorry for that, but i had to point that all out. On the positive side you have a very rich way of writing and the story is very enthralling. I'd appreciate it if you could have a look at some of my stuff, i have nothin complete yet but its all WIP, thanks.
~ JD

First: GET A GOOD EDITOR. He/she/it will help you so much.
"I’m afraid I have some horrid news to share with you about the results of your diagnosis"
The "horrid" sounds misplaced. Bad news works better -- when was the last time you heard a doctor toss around "horrid"?
"“I don’t know if I can tell you point blank,” the doctor said to her, “you will never be able to walk again.”"
There should be a full stop after "said to her". Second, he says, "I don't know if I can tell you point-blank"... and yet he does? Bear in mind he's also a -doctor-. Telling people they're paralysed is something he does every day. No big deal, unless he’s a family friend or somesuch. If he is, though, make the relationship clear.
The sentences are choppy -- run-on sentences, bizarrely constructed phrases, repetition, gratuitous references (Resurrection Mary? What?), pronoun confusion, etc. 'Ware excessive description -- with a phrase like "In the lungs the blood crawled, as a small parasite they resembled because she was not able to cough them out", I can see what you're trying to get at, but the description is so over-the-top it’s funny. Understate, not overstate.
Having an extra person who’s got an unbiased opinion of your work is immeasurably helpful. S/he will catch all sorts of things you didn’t notice – I read through an essay for class three times and missed a truly horrific run-on sentence all three times. Said sentence was caught by a friend of mine (“Dude, what the heck did you write? Incoherence ahoy!”)
I'm not going to pass judgement on the story itself, as the plot and characters were overshadowed by the prose problems. From the (admittedly little) I saw, it seemed a workable plot.
Best of luck,
4.30

Hello Nick- what a great story. I enjoyed it because I liked the darkness about it. It was a very emotional story, you had to feel sorry for Helen in the wheelchair.

What more can I say other than wow. This is the kind of story that blows the best "Tales From the Crypt" had to offer. Great Job.

This one is your best yet! I must say it reminds me of my first fanfiction story, Coma Red, in the fact that the character was helpless, given medical injections, inducing horrid nightmares of which she had no control, and the figure that dominated the nightmares, this grim reaper type thing, made them all the more terrifying, much like Freddy Krueger was to Cate Robson. And this girl's brother, a vegetable, and confined for the rest of his life due to an accident, that is worse than death. At least when you die you do not suffer. He can only suffer silently now, basically dead to the outside world. The girl can't walk, a normal thing in life taken for granted by most until something goes wrong. I love the idea you had behind this story, it's a real winner! Keep writing these! I think I'm going to add this one to my favorites as well, it's that good! You really knew what you were doing with this, and it's one that is sure to make some people think!

Nick! You have an imagination that just doesn't quit...and this story proves that! A fine candidate for the anthology, a story I won't forget! Well done!

Ever seen Session 9? The wheelchair in the hallway reminds me a lot of it. Well I must say that you are one of my favorite writers here on the site. It was actually you who somewhat inspired "The Flamer" with your Fandom Writer, since I decided to approach a controversial issue in writing like you did. But this tale was great, as your work always is.