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| Clever Fox Cub 2005-04-07 ch 1,  | abuseThis is great! I mean, it's morbid, but great! The summary caught my attention instantly! This is really good, honestly. Oh, by the way, I'm back! Yes, after all this time... I'm hoping to update "Away From the Sun" soon. I don't have enough time at the moment to read/review the rest of this story, but hopefully I'll catch up over the weekend! |
| nanima 2004-11-27 ch 3, | abuseOh, I love all the little things about this story! Like the l33t-ness as the seperators and all that! Okay, you asked for criticism, so...I'll try. But I'll admit I'm a bit rose-colored, too...Let's see...Near the end, when Amelia says "...if she got stuck here she'd surely be..." You said "her" instead of "here." Minor typo, but since it doesn't show up on spellcheck...I really like your boldface time checks. It adds a lot to the feel of the story. According to me, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you write! I mean, if a measly typo is all I can find, then you're doing phenomenal! (According to me, again...) Well, I TRIED to be critical, didn't I?? *Sigh* Anyway, your braincells are probably shriveling due to my spouting inanities. Yes...and my whorendous spelling. ^__^ |
| nanima 2004-11-27 ch 2, | abuseOh, have you seen that movie? ER..."The Game" or something, I dunno. About this guy who gets a birthday present, and it's a "role playing game," only it's really this dastardly plot, only...Well, if you haven't seen it, I don't want to ruin it. ^_~ This story kind of reminds me of that. And I love the dead-but-animated-by-a-rude-Australian-guy Annalise. Great! I'll move on to the next chapter now. |
| nanima 2004-11-27 ch 1, | abuseWhoa! Great prologue. I especially liked the way you described the dead Annalise. Yay! I'm not usually into this genre on fictionpress, but I know you'll do a good job! ^_^ So, onto the next chapter~! |
| Amelia 2004-09-12 ch 2, anon. | abuseThe sensory detail is great. The story is very engaging. I want to know more about what the game is and why they chose her. Thanks for considering my suggestions and the different pronunciation of "Amelia"! (The "mail" version is Italian; the "meel" version is English) |
| k. k. jeanne 2004-08-30 ch 2, | abusewoot! more! |
| k. k. jeanne 2004-08-30 ch 1, | abuseYIKES. just had to say that. wow, i really like this. on to chapter 2! |
| THE Bokkaku 2004-08-18 ch 2, | abuseO... VERY COOL! Please continue! Cheers, -Juri |
| Amelia 2004-08-13 ch 1, anon. | abuseCreepy! You have an interesting storytelling voice, maybe use more imagery? I dunno I guess it's just my style is very descriptive, but you do whatever you like. Oh and my name is Amelia, which is a pretty uncommon name so it's cool that the protagonist is named Amelia. I guess I'd be asking too much to hope that it's pronounced Uh-MAIL-yuh and not Uh-MEEl-yuh though...how's it pronounced? |