You win the award for the day of being the only author I have read that actually amused me. Very good. A little work, and this could be published, in my opinion. (Which means, if I were you, I would take it off of Fictionpress. For various reasons, you do not want to put good stuff like this on the internet for everyone to read. But you might not be interested in getting published.)

It could use a good, thorough edit. If you have an English teacher that likes you, I would take it to him or her and ask for some help with it. In my experience, most teachers like helping their students excel. I saw a few grammer problems hardly worth mentioning, but editors will catch them, and it makes you look bad.

I know you are going for a casual conversational approach. There are some better tricks for doing this; you'll learn them as you mature in your writing.

Over all, superb.

Young hero conquers the country side! Helped by peasant but sends no fruit basket. Nice. It kinda reminds you of all the times you helped someone or a company and they never did anything to return the favor...

Loved the story! Typical king to forget who helped him. You should write more stories like this one!