I loved the easy rhythm and rhyme pattern. your writing is so effortless. I hope you'll post more poetry and/or stories soon!

First off, grammar and spelling is good. I like how you avoided punctuation; it made the poem flow better. Structure-wise, I'd suggest separating this into stanzas so that it's easier to read.
That being said, I absolutely love it. I have never felt this, but thanks to your poem, I could experience the hopelessness and yearning. Wonderful job conveying emotion.
Also, wow. I have never seen any rhyming so smooth and perfect. It had a rhythm, almost like the rhythm of a heartbeat, which jumped from short to long after the line "Slashing a massive hole". Absolutely phenomenal.
This is definitely going on my favorite stories list thanks to your incredible rhyming skills. Keep writing!

I like it! It was very good. Though I have to wonder who its about...

This serves very nicely to convey your emotions. I've felt this way far too many times. It might be easier if you separated the different thoughts into stanzas, but oh well. Still good.

Very intense and emotional. I like it, keep up the good work.
Much love,
Juliet.