FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| les petits bateaux 2005-12-05 ch 1,   | Hmm...jealousy, perhaps, was the cause of her overwhelming rage to cause revenge? Judging by the last paragraph of your piece, I think that she had the wrong person in her grasp. I got that idea when you mentioned, "In this quick defining blink of an eye I see- it's not him, and my world crushes."Anyways, fantastic job with a bit of spelling errors. Dark, and hauntingly beautiful. ~~Trinity |
| nina 2005-09-01 ch 1, | nice. |
| fizgiggle 2005-07-26 ch 1, | Ah, I was going to say this reminded me a lot of a poem by Carol Ann Duffy, which in fact was about Haversham, if slightly modernised. This is well written and has some good description and phrases - I particularly like "videos on fast play smoke back into my sight". |
| Moonlight Tigress 2005-06-07 ch 1, | ah, i remember that haversham thing!very cool way to portray it!modern day and that... very, VERY ingenious!couldn't have done it better myslelf..but then again, anyone can do somethin better than me... :)oh well, WRITE ON! |
| AngelaSolis 2005-06-06 ch 1, | This is the first thing I've read of yours ... it's good ... dark, powerful, grim, great imagery. I like it. I'll read the rest of your stuff when I have time. As you're such a nitpicky reviewer, I'd like you to read my story 'Layers of Lies' ... it takes a while to get going, but by Chapter 8 ... it starts to roll! I like the Dickens reference too ... yeah, good! |
| luxian 2005-05-07 ch 1, | o...feistehgood work, great imagery.check out mine |
| if sighing 2005-04-26 ch 1, | pudgy smile and stay awhile for him to take everythingshe can't live without (win me with your eyes, crush me with your touch) lovely |
| vicious like the blue sky 2005-04-25 ch 1, | i love the final paragraph. i love the imagery. [Smoke clogs out from the house and I stare, wondering if I've killed him. Trying to find an ounce that cares.] i *really* love that part. i can't say that i've ever reached that point in my life, but i can kind of relate on a smaller level. great job. as for my new fpress account, that's for my original fiction. i decided to split up my poetry/fiction into separate accounts so i can keep track of my favorite stories :P lol. also, what was your penname before this one? i've been trying to figure it out but i can't remember :P |
| mwegan 2005-04-13 ch 1, | Hi! I like the stream-of-consciousness kind of feel to this. A lot of powerful imagery, really well written. As a one-shot it's great, but it would be a little overdone if it were much longer, so good choice there. There were a few typos here and there, just minor punctuation stuff. |
| K.E.Hashomer 2004-09-05 ch 1, | Nicely written. Great work! |
| Queen of dawn 2004-08-24 ch 1, | this is looking real good update soon ;) |
| cOOkiMoNsteR626 2004-08-20 ch 1, | ah, this is great. like i told u, that summary wasn't sh!tty. it's great...keep up the good work |
| Darren 2004-08-20 ch 1, | My like. First I thought it was sex story, but then I wasn't sure... And yeah lol I likes. Liked the Haversham reference. |