Reviews for The Calling - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The Calling

Mormon Princess 1 2004-08-27 ch 1,	Interesting.
Seething Pyro 2004-08-24 ch 1,	this is a very good. poem, very well written
technically okay 2004-08-23 ch 1,	Ah, I lost the first review. Sigh. Anyways, it's my opinion that you shouldn't claim your poem 'an interesting read' in the summary because, more often than not, when people do that, it's often the opposite. . Moving on now . . . 'Eternally condemned' looks a bit cliched, but in this mood and tone, it seems fine. 'Has our conspiracy been forgotten' sounds oddly forced for some reason. . Is it 'words spoken OF the serpent' or 'words spoken BY the serpent'? Also, 'game' looks too informal for this situation, but I can't think of a synonym and Fictionpress' dictionary doesn't list any. The comma after 'I' isn't necessary; the comma after 'word' should be a semi-colon, and the 'You' shouldn't be capitalized, as you didn't do so the first time. . 'Desist' sounds strange to me, but I admit that I have a small-ish vocabulary. I noticed this now, but it occurred once before: contractions are a bit 'nowadays' and your poem seems to be set more in the past. It's not a big problem, though, because it didn't glare at me the first time. The second line can be rewritten as 'It's he who haunts my soul, and he who has shown me the grave' for a more dramatic effect. You need to have a period after 'agony,' otherwise it sounds cut off and the effect is neutralized. . No nitpicks from the next stanza. . The last stanza's punctuation is inconsistent to the rest of the poem, but I prefer the punctuated version, because the unpunctuated ones seem a lot more run-on. I don't understand how the last line fit in with the complete stanza. . Overall, it's a nice poem with decent imagery. I can hear the voice of the narrator speaking, though, which is good. =D If you fix up/consider fixing up the stuff I pointed out, I'm sure it'll be a lot better. . Wusai
TheMook 2004-08-22 ch 1,	well well. U told me to review some of yours so i tought i would. it's dark. its creepy. the only difference between this and my mom's fruitcacke is that this is an excellent piece of poetry and my mom's fruitcake is well...carnivorous. Anyways, great job! im gonna read a few more of yours...check out some more of mine too if you want a good laugh :P
Mourning For Death 2004-08-22 ch 1,	another outstanding amazing poem...u definitely have an amazing talent...i wouldn't have used crows though...i would have used something deeper and more idk emotional if u want to call it...i'd have to think ** it...you can still change it if u want without really affecting the rest of the song...but def amazing...all u need is tweaking on a different word than crows...
i-kill-4-fun 2004-08-22 ch 1,	u are amazing. now i'm ashamed u found me before i found u! u are brilliant
Raisinous Fiendling 2004-08-22 ch 1,	awesome. i love the language you use. :D keep it up!
Deezy 2004-08-22 ch 1,	loveley stuff. i love the dark powerful language you use keep it up
Anjeni Windsinger 2004-08-22 ch 1,	I adore your diction - it's perfect for this type of poetry. Your words ring with the knowledge of ancient history, magic, immortality, and death. It was the crows that drew me in, and I'm glad that they did. Awesome work you've got here - I love it.
WolfOfBloodMoon 2004-08-22 ch 1,	Cool...did you see that one episode of Witch Hunter Robin? Where the girl controlled the crows? That was a good one...Good poem!
gymnchix 2004-08-21 ch 1,	I like the wording you use =) great job

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