This is good, but I think it might actually work better in a poem. I'm not sure stickler is the right word here, and is it possible to practice someone's patience, or disprove of perfection? I think you're misusing those words. Otherwise it's good though.

Very cool. It reminds me of something a character of Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere would have on him, a folded up peice of parchment in old caligraphy.