I begin to comprehend the power in this poem. It's more prosaic than your usual poems. That both adds to its power and subtracts from it; it takes away because power in poetry lies in short stunning lines; and it adds because it truly builds a clear image and comprehension in the mind of the reader. So, I can clearly see what you are conveying, which is an awesome thing (really the purpose of a poem, eh?) but despite being able to clearly see it, it doesn't hit as hard because it takes longer to get there.

I guess we could say that the poem has a low acceleration but more mass... -.- so ultimately the impact is as powerful as if it had higher acceleration and less mass, in proportion. I think I'm more used to, and more fond of, the second instance.

Dear gods, I just turned poetry into physics. help me...

always,KMJ

A poem full of different meanings depending on the reader. I feel the last verse is the weakest link here especially the last too lines. It sounds too abrupt when reading especially aloud. Keep writing.

Beautiful! Going on my favorites. I love the rhythm, tone and idea of this poem. Marvellous!
-Linnet