I really like this piece! I think that you were able to take leave of your preponderance on verbosity and make DEEP meaning out of simple words - I think therein lies the superiority of the poet. Find your footing on the fundamentals before attempting to take on a more complex vocabulary - the essence is preeminent and all else should be built around it; prolixity is peripheral to the poetic core.

you have a great vocabulary.
that's always the first
thing that hits me.
i'm jealous.
it's nice angst.
you don't go into ranting,
and instead create a rapport
with your reader,
to make one feel sorry,
sad and disturbed.
it's a truly haunting piece,
well done!
-kismet.

Sad, sad poem. Beautiful example with the black rose there, demonstrates the depressing irony of the situation. Well-written.