Really great, maybe you could give a little background info in the next chapter. Flashbacks and that sort of thing, it would help me understand what’s going on a little more.

Some of the best advice I ever received about story telling was in regard to the first sentence. Your first sentence is perhaps the most important sentence in the whole of your story. You’ve got the right idea though. You already realize that you want to snag the reader within the first lines, however there’s more to it than a bash to the senses. Introducing a story in such a dramatic fashion is like taking a perfectly lovely note and blasting it through an instrument. You want to lead up to it. Your first sentence should really be like a fishing hook. You want it to look inconspicuous and to slide smoothly into the fleshy lips of your reader. Only later, when the story snags and starts pulling them in whatever direction you wish, will they realize that you’re playing with barbed bait. The idea of a smooth entry with a barbed middle and a finish of your own making, that’s the true meaning of hooking a reader. So don’t bring your apocalypse out in the first lines. Lead into it. You’ve got a fair few clichés in your dialogue and such, but these things iron out in time. By no means should you stop writing, particularly if you want to get published. If anything write even more, as this is the only way to improve. If you enjoyed writing this piece and have ideas that will lead it onward, then definitely continue on. Hopefully this advice is of some aid to you. I know it helped me, when I was told for the first time (and even again on the second and third times). Keep on writing.