This is rather interesting! If I'm feeling less lazy later I'll go ack and review the chapters XP Sorry

~Miki

you don't have to fix it! You have to CONTINUE!

Will this story ever continue?

Fix It! It was great!! Your doing a good job with your story so far. Honestly, I really want to see what happens next!! Update soon!

I thought this chapter, that is chapter 6 was very well written.. And this story has a very nice plot, I'm finding this better then the Disney one, each chapter.. I can not wait for the next chapter..

the story interesting not at all like Cinderella but exciting to read more and so keep writing

Wah ! >.< I love this story ! please update soon !

Anyways I dont think that Antonia isnt the girl that the prince met when they were young, and I think the girl that he did meet was Helen who is my fav character !

Well, aside from spelling "lose" "loose", the prince is mean. honestly, how is there going to be a happily ever after without the main bloke being nice?But it seems like he's supposed to come off like that, so I'm asuming this is going to be a long story for things to work out.And is Helen supposed to be insolent to the prince and destroy her credibility?With her being a slave I'm not sure that love/hate cliche will work too well.Keep updating

hey! what's wrong with the Disney version? aside from the fact that it's extremely unhygienic to have mice around like that.

Well, I just finished reading what you have so far, and here is what I have come up with- please do not be offended in any way, I am merely being honest~

In the begining I think you were rushing a lot of things, but it was the first chapter so it is normal for that to happen. You only have a few phrasing mistakes, but the one that pops up the most is mixing past and present tense. The way you have portrayed Helen in this past chapter was perfect! I love the way you are bringing her more and more alive in the story. Although your plot is both mysterious and predicable. I have no clue where you are trying to go with this, and yet I know exactly what you will do next. Try mixing it up a little more, because you claimed that this was not another Cinderella story- so don't make it one. The way you describe things and what I like to call, 'little moments', are perfect. All I would really suggest is sitting down and planning everything that you want to happen in this story-(if you haven't already). After you type up a chapter be sure to match your past and present tense. Your stary is great so far, so just update more.

Hope you take what I have said into consideration.-SimpleCrit

Hmm... I like the way you've changed the story. Update soon:)~lily~

Really good please update soon!!

OH my gosh i loved the end ITR WAS GREAT!
lol
byezers
soni

I liked the chapter.

hahahahaha! isnt helen the smart one??