...that was the quickest I have ever finnished reading a finnished story..I feel so proud of my self...!...oh...I like your story alot.^_^;

very good. I liked it.

I like it, but it could have been fit into a full chapter, making it a short story instead. Sometimes when there are things like *ahem* you could desribe them instead of inserting them. Example: "he cleared his throat". Other than that, this has the makings of a really great story. Thanx for the read.

Your sense of humor is fantastic. Your contents are really wonderful, but you gotta improve on the voice (don't mix third, first and second person in a part of your story you intended to only have as either a third, second or first person.), some of the grammar part and paragraphs.

I mean no offense, it's just that it's so great and all, it'd be a shame if you don't develop this stories to their full beauty and use your skills to its full capacity.

Believe me, I have lots of people tell me about how terrible my first (and some other) work was because of the same setbacks some of your writings have. And I'm not good at taking criticisms, so it was terrible for me. But you're not like me, so I think you'll do a lot better than I did. ^^

Of course, I didn't stop writing, I just went slower what with all the things I'm doing..and what the hell am I doing? Why am I blabbering like this to you...? Anyway, it's really up to you if you wanna take my advice. If you don't, hell it's fine. You go girl! Just write any way you damn well please! (lol)

The most notorious stalker of F.P.The most pervertd untouched virgin,- Wicked Tongue

I know you didn't ask for reviews, but I wanted to say nice writing style...your definitly creative and have a lot of potential. Most mistakes were grammatical...and you tended to switch the narrative mid sentence. As in switching from first person to third person...
Otherwise keep up the good work.