"Wiping the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve he looked upon countless others like himself, tired and overworked, looking on attentively as the chief manager jabbers on and on about quotas not being met." You changed tenses in that sentence. It should be "jabbered" instead of "jabbers."

"'You, the one day-dreaming.' Shouted the chief manager." There should be a comma after "day-dreaming" and "shouted" should be lower cased.

In the fourth paragraph after the break, there should be a period after "you" instead of a comma.

"Hey Spiiefre, another day of taking walks amongst the "unprocessed organic material"? How uncivilized." That sentence should look like this: "Hey Spiiefre, another day of taking walks amongst the 'unprocessed organic material'? How uncivilized."

"'Look, there he is' said Mandy as she startedkicking offthe debris." There should be a comma after "is" and I think you can notice the other two typos.

I really like this story. You have a very interesting plot. Update soon.

Once again, you should spell out words that are less than a hundred.

"Their needs are also the same as most humanoids; the need to eat, for hygiene, the instinct to live and reproduce." I think that sentence could be phrased better.

"'Mr. Ian Rill, kindly explain to me why wings are useless in space' the teacher scolded 27 year old Ian in a fourth grade class." There should be a comma after "space." There's no need to say "the teacher scolded the 27 year old Ian" becuase she already said his name in that sentence. You should substitute his name with "man" or something like that.

In the third paragraph after the break, "Therefor" should be spelled "Therefore."

"Knowing all this, Ian was gave his answer confidently..." The word "was" shouldn't be there.

Once again, good chapter. I'll read the next one.

This is interesting so far. I just have a few things that I would like to point out though. If it's a number less than 100, you should spell it out. So, when you say, "Each ship carries a crew of 6..." You should write it out as "Each ship carries a crew of six..."

In the third paragraph there should be a comma after "crunching." At least I think. I'm not very good when it comes to commas so I could be wrong.

"A small space/time anomaly which reads a mass of a large planet, yet in their current position they see none." I think that sentence could be phrased better.

Other than these few things, I can't really find anything wrong with this story. Good job so far and I'll continue reading.

Ah, another story youve started. very good, you have a good imagination. well described to be sure. the only thing i can think is that maybe to not describe the whole Varn in one paragraph, but to gradually give us information about them, so we continue to learn more. but a very cool stroy. nice work man!

this chapter ended very well - though may I suggest no bold and only italics? The names seemed fine to me, but there were a few small errors: numbers under 100 really should be written out - three instead of 3. Also the (faster than light) explaination didnt quite work. Maybe write out faster than light the first time and later use the abriv. FTL. Just an idea of course. Good job, great intro.

Mack

Umm, I really don't have and constructive critisim for you, sorry. But the chapter was good and it was cool to hear about more characters besides Ian.

Later,~Ffuffy~

This is great. Please continue.

Sorry it's taken so long to read and review your sci-fi story.

The prologue starts out like a good prologue should: questionable, yet informative. Your descriptions of the Varn species provides imagery, and your writing in general is the same way.

The only harsh critique I might give you is that you may want to rewrite the prologue to "clean it up" a bit - not all sentences feel like they flow together that well, especially in the first few paragraphs.

Also, there's a bit of confusion in the part about the science vessel: if the arm is broken and shattered by the anamoly, how could it be able to pull the vessel in?

All in all, a good start. I'll read and review the first chapter in the series as well. I hope you decide to continue working on this because I'm still interested to see how you can pull it off.

It should be interesting how you put your theory of the Big Bang into the story and what the conflicts will be. Good beginning.

This is pretty good and I'm going to to look forward to reading more of it. Also i find your theory rather interesting. There were a few grammer errors, but nothing big enough to ruin the piece. Update soon!