What an interesting twist.

Interesting twist at the end, it seems to start out as one thing and them change into another. I liked it, every interesting.

Keep it up.

coolness! I liked the progressions of the poem and the ending half was very interesting. (Noir means black or night, ne?) I also liked the "tick, tick, one.." part. It adds a sense of presence, like we're actually there watching. The ending was great too! Keep up the great work!

i like your rhyme scheme. really good poem.

hola, me gusto la propuesta que manejas y, aunque no se mucho inglés, fue fácil de entender y me resulto muy amena

Wow, a very interesting and well-written story. Bravo!

Hmm..interesting; at first you expect this to be the usual break up poem where he's sort of waiting at home and pining for this girl, but then there's that twist. Very interesting and very well written. The only thing that was sort of wrong with it was the th rhyming, I was never really sure if it was supposed to rhyme or not, or how it was supposed to rhyme, etc. I think it would be fine either way.
Nice job.