Holy fudge muffins! What a place to stop! The cliffhanger! The evil, dreaded cliffhanger! NO!And its not going to get updated anytime soon, is it? I think I am going to go cry for a bit. This was really cool!

I like your use of the “magic box”, although maybe since it is such a familiar puzzle, you should clarify whether or not the box is really magic, or if the case is just that it will gain interest in the ordinary sense.

Also, the way she experiments with the paints like any child is great.

Bringing Thia back in a little… cool. Although, if she is not going to be in the story anymore, it may be a good idea to cut back on her character in previous chapters. Otherwise, it is really a dead end in the plot.

In this one, I like how you have matured Kiias’ vocabulary a little bit. You brought in that trait that so many children have of regressing their speech even when they are perfectly capable of forming complete sentences :-)

Wow! So, Ima can do healing magic?? I like that little ambiguity.

And… wow again. The plot thickens. I am glad for the twist, because I was slightly afraid you were going to detail each year of Kiias’ life until she was old enough to be more interesting. I shouldn’t have been, I see! This is a great device to speed up time and explain a lot about other characters. Kind of Sleeping Beauty, but there is nothing wrong with retelling old stories. That’s why they have been around for so long :-)

I await your next chapter! Nice work so far. There are rough edges but this is a great first draft of what promises to be a good little short novel. Or, a long one!

Wow. I like the stone, but it was a little confusing as to what actually happened to the fairy?

You manage very well in this chapter to describe a two-year-old’s physical actions and thoughts as well (or at least as well as I imagine, since I don’t know any two-year-olds).

This is fantastic: “She stopped halfway up and simply sat down, because it had been her experience that a compliant adult would walk by and eventually lift her to take her somewhere.” Very nicely done.

And the hard issue of another child… You are bringing real-life problems into this story and it is So Much Better for it :-)

A lot of fantasy writers invent new social problems, when after all there are so many already! Your use of them brings the story closer to home, and makes it stronger and more real.

I like your chapter naming. Very old-fashioned and lovely. However, I had wondered about the main title of this piece. It seems… vague, and a bit clichéd. I think you could come up with a better one, although I have no fantastic suggestions; I’m terrible at titling things.

Maybe earlier in this chapter you need to state how old Kiias is at this time. It was a little hard to tell if she was a toddler, or older. It is clear later on, but there's no harm in stating her exact age.

I like the reference to The Lady’s School, nice hint of the world they live in there.

The part with the horse is so funny :-) I love Thia’s struggle with her.

One thing I noticed is your use of “filler’ words like “very”, “nearly”, “rather”, ‘quite”, “many” and so on. Usually these are unnecessary, or at best are filling in for a better word. Sometimes their use covers up a flaw or inelegance in the sentence construction.

An extreme example is, “Perhaps it had come from a rather poor childhood, but many villagers had become very content with meager earnings.” Instead of “rather poor”, try to find a word that says how poor they were. Impoverished? Hardscrabble? Deprived? Or use a detail of her childhood, such as patched clothes or week-old bread.

Then, “many villagers” would be fine as just “villagers”. And “very content” is fine as just “content”. It is a plain sentence that way, but then you can see the sentence’s bare bones and work on it from there.

Sorry for the extensive dissection, but I do mean it in a helpful way.

Moving on… wow! What a conflict Thia has here. A very practical one, too. By which I mean one that exists in the real world as well. Very nice. The detail that he married a well-off farmer’s daughter, though, is ironic, since he seemed not to care about the money issue.

This reminds me a bit of.. is it Ella Enchanted? The book, I mean, not the movie. Or maybe I'm thinking of another princess book where the faeries do something odd at her christening. Anyway, I like your start. It promises interesting things ahead.

I also like how you have characterized the king, queen and faeries (and courtiers for that matter).

There are a few awkward sentences and misuses of grammar, but more importantly, you seem to have rushed through this a little. There are comments on the society of the place that seem out of place and a bit awkward. Like "She gave her good wishes and bowed out, presenting herself as a man in this audience; she was, after all, her father's representative, and so endowed with all his power. Most women didn't observe that fully, which meant the bow that some believed diminished femininity. They preferred to indulge in the advantages without partaking in what they viewed as disadvantages." This level of information tied to a very unimportant character seems odd. Maybe you could address the gender relations in this society at a later time, when Kiias encounters them. Anyway, just a thought. Off I go to read the rest :-)

Woohoo! Yay for interesting chapters! I hope you have Kiias grow up soon so we can see what she does about the magic! Anyway, nice job. Keep writing and update soon!

Yay! Interesting story so far! I'm not quite sure what problems she'll run into, but I'll most likely enjoy reading. Keep writing and update soon!